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Jeff Byers: Illustrative Alliterations and Other Thoughts

by on December 12, 2012 6:00 AM

We wemember the weekend that was:

In wrestling: Penn State 52, Indiana 0

Perennial power Penn State pleased its partisan patrons with a pin parade and a prolific preponderance of points that propelled it past a poor opponent and properly positioned itself atop the polls. Pretty impressive performance.

In women's volleyball: Penn State 3, Minnesota 1; PSU advances to the Final Four

Russ Rose’s rousing rendition of really rare riches is re-establishing the roar on the floor as it reaps the reward of a regional reign and readies for a run at ruling the roost.

In women's basketball: Lady Lions 97, Georgetown 74

Maggie’s magical magnificence has many marveling at the mighty machine that makes more shots than misses and amazes most. More memories (and shots) will be made in the months to come.

In men's basketball: Nittany Lions 78, Army 70

Sans its star, the score speaks to the surrounding cast steadily sharpening its skills and seemingly seeking its stake in the season as it spreads the scoring with a sampling of success and solid strategy.

In other notes:

As the Big Ten looks to continue its expansion, might I suggest the next addition be Hawaii. Like the other Big Ten schools, Hawaii is a university with buildings, professors, students, and, yes, athletic teams. Seems like a pretty natural fit with all of these common threads. In fact, Hawaii would be the furthest from the other Big Ten schools just like Penn State was when it was added.

So, with that commonality and the natural rivalry that the Rainbow Warriors and Nittany Lions had over the years, it just makes sense to have Hawaii be the season-ending game every season for Penn State. But, the Big Ten may need to make some concessions to get the Hawaii administration on board. I would suggest Penn State be the first to step up to the plate and offer a two-for-one deal or even a three-for-one deal if need be. For every trip Hawaii makes to Beaver Stadium, the Nittany Lions would have to go there two or three times. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger school.

A Halloween party where people were dressing up like other people? Oh, the horror! I can only imagine we would have seen equal outrage if a group of Mexican workers got together and had a Halloween party where they dressed up like sorority girls (short skirts, tight sweaters, heavy makeup) and held signs saying “will have sex for good grades” or “I don’t mow grass, I smoke it” (some stereotypes reach across cultural lines and bring us together). Might it be possible that instead of demanding every time someone gets offended that those doing the offending be educated and enlightened and reformed that we instead occasionally have the offended just get over themselves, develop a sense of humor and move on to issues of real significance? Sorry, I realize I've just offended the offended, and for the offense there is no defense these days.

I’ve jumped up and down but never out of a window. I have been thrown out of many places but never a window. And I’ve fallen down many steps but never out of a window. Just to be safe, I think I’m keeping my windows closed this winter.

There is a clear safety issue with 19-year-old women and windows during the nighttime hours in and around the Penn State campus. So, I have been graciously volunteering my services to check and secure all windows where 19-year-old women reside during the night. Just doing my part to prove chivalry isn’t dead and to ensure that none of these women end up there either. You would think the officer who made the arrest would be a little more appreciative. Of course, I was at least aware of my arrest.

Penn State Trustee Mark Dambly tells WJAC News he’s “not aware” of the fact that he was arrested for a fight and sentenced to five days in jail in 1979. For Peetz sake, if he is unaware of his own history, how exactly can we trust him to be aware of the comings and goings of others on the Penn State campus? And how, exactly, does one become unaware of his own criminal past? I would suggest that only a mind-altering drug or disease could do that, and I don’t think someone suffering from either should be allowed to sit on the Board of Trustees. Let’s get Mark the help he clearly needs.

Some seem to believe that gift certificates or gift cards are not appropriate Christmas gifts (yes, I realize they should be referred to as holiday gifts, but I’m a crazy rebel like that). Well, if you had been more appreciative of the blown-up Kate Upton poster, Grandma or the new baseball mitt, Mom or the bottle of gin, Dad (apparently, I’m supposed to remember that you like whiskey and I’m the one that drinks the gin), maybe I wouldn’t have to resort to gift cards. But now, you can go pick out something that you really like with those $5 cards, and that should ensure a Merry Christmas for all this year.

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Jeff Byers has been the wrestling team’s traveling announcer since 1990.
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