It's all about me.

That mentality was on display last week when I agreed to meet with a student who earned an F in a summer semester course and was unhappy with her grade. She arrived 25 minutes late for our scheduled appointment. In the course of our meeting, she agreed that the graduate student who taught the course did everything that he had outlined in the syllabus. She acknowledged that she had submitted all of her assignments for the course after the due dates and had sent them to a wrong e-mail address (instead of using the online course management system as the instructor asked). She also admitted that she had missed "at least" 10 of the 30 class meetings and had made no attempts to contact the instructor prior to those absences. 

Through her tears and frustration, she assured me that she had a firm grasp of the course material and deserved a higher grade.

Sadly, this story and others like it are becoming more common. It's not my fault. I'm special. The rules don't apply to me. I'm entitled.

Personal responsibility is getting buried in generational narcissism.  

In their book "The Narcissism Epidemic:Living in the Age of Entitlement," researchers Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell studied what they believe is the growing narcissism of our culture and the impact on those coming of age in the "it’s all about me" society. While most of today's teens and young adults are hardworking, honest and responsible members of our society, according to the researchers, the number of kids who can be labeled extreme narcissists is increasing.

The term narcissist comes from the Greek legend of a hunter name Narcissus who was punished by the Gods and wasted away to his death after falling so hard for his image in a pool of water that he couldn't bear to leave it. Death by self-love. 

We have created this cultural epidemic of kids who can't walk away from their reflection. The Baby Boomer parents of today's teens grew up in mostly prosperous times where we experienced success, wealth and materialism unlike that of our post-Depression era parents. We read parenting books that told us our children's self-esteem had to be our first priority. We protected them from harm, frustration, and the risk of feeling bad about themselves. We told them they were the best of the best and no other kid was as smart or as pretty or as talented. We elbowed other parents out of the way at PTO meetings and on the sports fields and told our kids they are superstars at everything.

I'm a parent myself, so I get it. There really aren't any smarter, more attractive, more athletic or more talented children than my three cherubs. Just ask me.    

The generation who heard "you are special" now logs on to Facebook and Twitter and updates friends with hourly reports (and pictures) of the minutiae of their lives. They post videos on YouTube singing, dancing or just espousing their personal views. They are exposed to cultural narcissism on reality shows like MTV's "My Super Sweet 16," which features spoiled brats who throw parties that cost more than the average home and drive luxury cars given to them as a rite of passage. No one tells this generation no. They see celebutantes like Lindsay, Paris and the Kardashians with bodyguards, wealth, and pictures in the tabloids for doing nothing other than being famous.

According to Twenge and Campbell, people in general are demonstrating more narcissistic traits than they did even 20 years ago and an alarming number of young people are demonstrating clinical signs of narcissistic personality disorder. 

Is it any wonder then, when those kids arrive at Penn State surrounded by 40,000 other best of the best, that things can get a little dicey? Should we even be surprised by their reaction when they earn their first C or are told that we won't accept their late papers?  The concept of being held to the same standards as everyone else is a foreign notion to the "Toddlers and Tiaras" generation.

When my kids were in elementary school, they heard me ranting about cheating in my classes on numerous occasions. At dinner one night, my daughter offered that she "might have" accidentally looked at another kid's paper during the math test in school that day. Without anger or punishment, my husband and I looked at her and said, "Well, you'll have to fix that, won't you?"

The rest of the evening we practiced what she would say. We acknowledged it would be uncomfortable and helped her work through her anxiety. We talked about personal responsibility and how doing the right thing is really the only option.  I'm sure it was a tough night for her, but in the morning she was ready to meet with her teacher.  (She didn't know that I sent a heads-up e-mail and asked the teacher to help us with this valuable life lesson). 

Frankly, it would have been easier to say "oh well" or tell her not to do it again. I'm a parent, remember? I hate it when my kids feel uncomfortable or are sad. I could have also just ignored it. Worse would have been to somehow condone the behavior.  I'm sure there are even those parents who might have given the "atta boy." My kid deserves only the best grades. 

The students who come from those families are the ones who end up in my office, aghast at their grade and threatening parents and lawsuits.

My kid fessed up and took her lumps. She came in the door after school with a lift in her step and a smile on her face. "It wasn't so bad, Mom. I feel way better now." On that day, she learned that some things are bigger than her self-esteem.  

Life can be frustrating. It can mean consequences for behaviors. It may even mean you don't get what you want all the time.

Sometimes, it isn't about you.