We would hear it over the Channel 6 news in the evenings.

It would be added in to conversations about the latest act of international intolerance.

It would be heard, even if it were not spoken, when the Philadelphia Inquirer front page reported any act of war.

"What this world needs is a mother."

My own mother's theory was not a matter of supporting female politicians, nor was it opposing any male politicians. The idea was that when it comes to keeping domestic peace, mothers do one heckuva job (and a mother of five would know).

And as Facebook begins to become flooded with invitations to yet another made up drinking holiday, the lesson returns.

What the Penn State student body needs is a mother. 

It needs someone who can whisper, "You've disappointed me" and strike guilt into the wildest of party-goers. 

It needs someone who will ground students for a month if they can't learn to behave.

Oh, and she'll need to have Facebook.

The newest addition to the embarrassments of 2009-10 is another "holiday" scheduled for March 27. This one doesn't even pretend to celebrate a real holiday on a different day; it's called DrinkFest 2010.

The idea is to create a massive bar tour in celebration of being named the No. 1 party school in the country. NPR, ready your crew. 

The promoters don't leave much to the imagination. In the Facebook group's explanation, it said, "All you have to do is get all your friends together, register on our site, pick a shirt, and prepare to get WASTED!" Simple as that.

Oh, and that shirt comes in three different color and three different design options. The first one listed shows some modern day school spirit with a huge "We Are..." on the front. Not bad, so far. Stretched between the shoulder blades, however, reads "WASTED!" 

Right about now is when the Penn State mother would start using the student body's middle name. Translation: You're in big trouble now, mister. 

On the simplest level, this Penn State mother would likely be annoyed that the big kids were doing something the little kids (under 21) couldn't do. She would not be likely to sport the "We are... WASTED!" shirt to her yoga class anytime either.

The more inclusive (yet equally juvenile) drinking event this holiday season is Cinco de State, a celebration of Cinco de Mayo. Since May 5 in during Finals Week at Penn State (and, one would assume, the celebrations would be such that effective studying will be out of the question), the founders declare that Cinco de State will be held two Saturdays before May 5 each year.

That's the most frightening aspect of these holidays; the founders want them to become tradition.

DrinkFest 2010 describes the holiday as the "first annual" (copy editors everywhere cringe at the sight of those two words combined). Cinco de State has a date picked out for next year. State Patty's Day, the virus that started this whole fascination, has been growing stronger each year. 

More than ever, a mother's touch (or authority) is needed. She can come in, hold the student body's hand as it crosses the street and tell it she'll treat it like a child as long as it acts like one. 

Nominations and applications are being accepted now.