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Matt Sandusky Tells Police 'I Really Wanted to Die' On Tape Obtained by NBC News

by on June 26, 2012 11:32 AM

Only days into his adoptive father's trial, Matt Sandusky met privately with police to detail his abuse suffered at the hands of Jerry Sandusky. 

NBC News obtained the exclusive recording, in which Matt describes his interaction with Sandusky a similar description to the testimonies of the eight men who said they were abused by the former Penn State football defensive coordinator. 

Matt met Jerry through The Second Mile, the charity he founded. As the two spent more time together, Matt felt more and more like something was wrong. 

Matt was adopted by the Sandusky family when he was 18 years old.

He told police that he tried to commit suicide once by swallowing aspirin at a hotel where he was staying with a girlfriend. He said he "doesn't have concrete evidence" but can't rule out Sandusky's abuse being the reason for the act. 

"But I know that I really wanted to die at that point in time so that’s best I can really answer that," Matt Sandusky said on tape.

He also can be heard telling police, "It just was, just became very uncomfortable. You know, just with everything that was going on."

When a police detective asks, "What was, what was going on?" Matt replied: "With like the showering, with the hugging, with the rubbing, with the just talking to me. The way he spoke. And just, the whole interaction with him alone. Anything, anytime we were alone just those interactions."

Matt said he even fled the Sandusky home in a rainstorm to try and get away from Sandusky. Other times, he would roll up in the fetal position and pretend to go to sleep, something other victims described doing to get away.

Matt Sandusky told police it took therapy for him to be able to recall his abuse, which he said occurred on and off from the time he was 8 years old until he was 15. On the tape, he can be heard describing Sandusky blowing on and kissing his stomach and reaching down into his pants.

Matt said he cannot recall if there was ever any oral sex or penetration.

Originally, Matt Sandusky was listed as a witness for the defense but was nixed after coming forward with his story. 

Jerry Sandusky's lawyer, Joe Amendola, said Matt's testimony would have been so "explosive" that it was a major factor in his client ultimately not taking the stand. 

Matt told police despite having stood by his father for so long, he knew he eventually had to tell the truth.

"I came forward, I mean, for different reasons," he said. "But I mean for my family you know so that they can really have closure and see what the truth actually is. And just to right the wrong, honestly, of going to the grand jury and lying."

Jerry Sandusky is on suicide watch in the Centre County Correctional Facility while he awaits sentencing, which could take as long as 90 days pending a psychological evaluation. 

Around 10 p.m. Friday, Sandusky was convicted on 45 of 48 counts in a child sexual abuse case on charges of abusing 10 boys over a 15-year period. He faces a maximum sentence of more than 400 years in prison. 

The full video and transcript of the tape obtained by NBC News can be viewed here

Laura Nichols is a news reporter and @LC_Nichols on Twitter.
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