How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were? When I ask this question, I get a variety of reactions. Some laugh and say, “I’d be the age I am.” Others look at me with a puzzled look. But most say something along the lines of “younger than I am.”
I offer many different programs at retirement communities and in that setting, most people still feel like someone they were years ago.
I understand that feeling. There have been numerous times when I looked at my husband and said, “Can you believe that we’re parents of kids in their mid and late 20s?” I still have moments when my younger years don’t feel that far off.
This sentiment of the discrepancy between the age in our heads and the age in our bodies stood front and center for me recently. My 93-year-old father fell, broke two ribs and had internal bleeding. He was transported by ambulance to a trauma center, where he spent time in intensive care and a step-down unit before being released to an inpatient rehabilitation facility. He then developed a collapsed lung with more bleeding and an infection. This time, he was taken by helicopter back to the trauma center and spent more time in intensive care and then an intermediate care unit — all with a chest tube in for 13 days.
Thankfully, my father is strong and has a powerful will to live. He survived these traumas and is now gaining strength every day as he rehabs his way back to the life he knew.
In the different acute hospital settings, I was with my dad every step of the way. I answered questions for him when he couldn’t and helped explain some of the care when he had a difficult time hearing and understanding the medical professionals. My family and I are very grateful to the many caring people who compassionately tended to my dad.
Along the way, I found it interesting to see different reactions to my father. Some medical professionals saw he was 93 and expected or didn’t expect things from him as a result. Others saw his age, and considered what that meant physiologically, but kept open minds as to his outcomes. I think my dad surprised some of these medical professionals with how well he did. A trauma team member said he was their “best patient” at the time. They shared that they appreciated his smile and were impressed that he never complained.
My dad knows his age, but to him, it is simply a number. He loves life and works to get his body to do its best. How old would he be if he didn’t know how old he was? My dad would be who he is today, living his life to the fullest.
When we lose a loved one, we ask ourselves a similar question, “Who would we be if we didn’t know who we were as a husband or wife, mother or father, sister or brother?” One of the needs of mourners is to develop a new self-identity. We are different people with different roles without our loved ones. It takes time to find our new selves. Please join us at one of the following gatherings to continue this conversation and others about loss, grief and death.
- Virtual Monday’s Moments Gatherings, “Marching to a New Beat,” on Monday, March 11, from noon to 1:30 p.m. on Zoom.
- Med-Knit-ations: Knitting Our Hearts Back Together in partnership with Centre Region Parks & Recreation on Tuesday, March 12, from noon to 1:30 p.m. at Schlow Centre Region Library, 211 S. Allen St., State College.
- Stories of Loss in Partnership with Juniper at Brookline on Tuesday, March 12 and 26, from 4:30 to 6 p.m. at Juniper at Brookline, 1950 Cliffside Drive, State College.
- Death Café Virtual Gathering on Monday, March 18, from 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. on Zoom.
- Monday’s Moments at Schlow Centre Region Library in Partnership with Centre Region Parks & Recreation on Monday, March 25, from noon to 1:30 p.m. at Schlow Library, 211 S. Allen St., State College.
More information can be found on the Bereavement Gatherings and Events page of the Koch Funeral Home website. To reserve your spot and receive the invitation links, email Jackie@JackieHook.com, call 814-237-2712 or visit the Koch Funeral Home Facebook page.
Jackie Naginey Hook is a spiritual director, celebrant and end-of-life doula. She coordinates the Helping Grieving Hearts Heal program through Koch Funeral Home in State College. For more information, please call 814-237-2712 or visit kochfuneralhome.com.
