Respect and Responsibility Are Vital in All Levels of Sports

Which statement do you think is truer? Sports builds character. Sports reveals character.

The number of stories in the media of abysmal behavior on the part of parents and athletes has reached ridiculous proportions. A football player in Texas runs out onto the field and punches an official, getting his entire team suspended from the rest of the playoffs. A high school hockey player in Pennsylvania climbs into the stands, gets into a fight with a parent of an opposing team member and a brawl breaks out among the parents. A girls’ high school basketball player in California gets bumped in the course of play and violently sucker punches her opponent after a fan (presumably her parent) yelled to her, “You better hit her!” Hotel rooms trashed by intoxicated parents and unsupervised teenagers at youth soccer showcase in Massachusetts.  

In my role as chair of the Happy Valley Adventure Bureau’s new Sports and Entertainment Commission, it concerns me to hear of the issues of bad behavior and even damages at local sports venues, restaurants, and hotels. We all suffer when parents and coaches don’t model respect and responsibility and monitor the behaviors of each other and their children and athletes. It is crucial that we teach common courtesy and mutual respect in sport and in life.

In case you don’t think this poor display of supervision and accountability can happen here you are drastically mistaken. Here are actual emails from hoteliers to the Happy Valley Adventure Bureau office regarding behavioral issues at local sport events:

“We had a group leave their children here unattended as well.  They all went to [Local Restaurant] and left the little kids to run free!!!  Then were mad upon hearing their kids were asked to go to their room!!!  I could tell multiple stories.  One woman literally threatened [Employee]!!!  She told her she better not see her out in the parking lot alone!!  [Employee] was in tears; afraid to even stay here through the rest of the night. I was on the phone with her trying to get her to calm down. It was seriously out of control!”  

“Wow! I don’t even have words!!  This was one of THE WORST groups of rude; inconsiderate people I have dealt with in YEARS! Probably since that [Sport team] group way back when [Employee]  was our maintenance person.  As an FYI; there may be complaints etc. coming from some of them but I stand behind my employee’s decisions. These kids were OUT OF CONTROL!  For that fact so were the entitled parents. The [Visiting College] softball team was EXCELLENT; they were upset by the [sport] people as well but they were understanding and sympathetic to the staff members trying to handle all the ridiculousness.  One of my late phone calls last night with [Employee]; she described it as being like Animal House in here…The police evicted two of the rooms; only to find out this morning they came back in and squeezed into rooms with other people!”

“On Friday night, we had a guest rip our front desk supervisor’s shirt when he asked him to stop throwing beer cans from a second-floor balcony onto our parking lot.  We had to close the indoor pool early due to uncontrolled children.  Requested more presence from the State College Police on Saturday night due to the problems we encountered on Friday night.  Should have evicted a few rooms and that would have sent a message to the rest of the teams.  We will certainly have security for this group if we even entertain taking them in the future.  Not a good experience by any means!!”

If sport is truly a microcosm of life, then we have a lot of work ahead of us. The behaviors of some youth and high school athletes and their parents have driven good coaches and officials out of the game. Likewise, there are self-absorbed coaches who care more about winning than they do about building character and teaching life lessons to their athletes. If you have read any of my past columns, then you know the odds of student-athletes earning a scholarship and going on to play professionally are slim and should not be the main reason for participating in sports. Even if your child is one of the elite talents that does defy the odds, character and how that athlete carries themselves in public matters. At least it should if we are doing the right thing!

I am not a fan of the way the new Name, Image and Likeness (NIL) movement has been implemented and the message it sends about sport being all about how many social media likes athletes get and how much attention they can draw to themselves to “build their brand” in the hopes of cashing in on their athletic prowess. Allowing student-athletes to receive cost-of-living stipends and to work while in school was a good idea. I would personally not want to coach a team where one athlete might make significant money while their teammates get nothing. Try building camaraderie and an all-for-one attitude in that locker room.

Good character matters and that includes athletes, coaches and parents. I hope that the coaches coach for more than wins and losses and that being a teacher of good character matters to them and the youth association or schools that selected them. Respect the bus drivers, hotel and restaurant staff, game officials, tournament organizers and your opponents. Make it a core value of your program to represent everyone in your association with class and dignity. In fact, teach your children, your athletes and all who are a part of your program to have an “Attitude of Gratitude” and thank the people who provide the services to your team.

As athletes you must make it a priority to look at team membership as a privilege and to respectfully represent your team, your school, your family and, most importantly, yourself.  So be the better person and stand above the pettiness, selfishness, and jealousy that can sometimes creep into a locker room, in the hallways and in the stands. Stop looking at sports simply as your ticket to scholarships, celebrity, social media status and wealth and look at it in the more practical way to learn values and virtues and enjoy the experiences.

Playing sports should not be about the athletes getting the most likes or putting their video (or parents putting their kids’ videos) on Facebook and Instagram. Sports, especially team sports, are about being a part of something bigger than yourself, something to be shared with others. Those of us who live in Central Pennsylvania are fortunate to have a great role model in Penn State wrestling coach Cael Sanderson. His athletes win because of the culture he and his staff create, the high standards they expect and the quality people with which they surround their program, especially the student-athletes themselves.

When the competition ends, show class, dignity and grace, win, lose or draw. Shake hands, fist bump, even hug your opponent, and at least give a nod indicating that you recognize and respect the great effort both your team and your opponent’s left out there on the courts, fields, pools, pitch and ice. Display model behavior on buses, in the athletic venues, in hotels and in restaurants when traveling. 

Sports can truly build character if you remember to teach your student-athletes to practice common courtesy and mutual respect. That respect and responsibility begins with the organization or association leaders, the coaches, and the parents. We can all do better.