Happy Thanksgiving everyone — with an emphasis on “thanks.” I hope that today’s column will inspire you to take intentional quiet time to do an accounting of all the blessings in your life. I know some of you already do this on a daily basis, so keep up the good work. I also know that too many of you discount the value of doing this activity of affirmation and too often dwell on what’s gone wrong in your lives. I hope we can correct that mindset.
Why is it that so many people have this natural tendency to focus on all the negatives in their lives? It seems like all we get from news sources is bad news, including wars, potential wars, inflation, national debt, increased crime and that Penn State’s football team can’t seem to win the big ones (sorry, couldn’t resist).
There is even a term for this psychological phenomenon called “negativity bias.” A Nov. 13 article by Kendra Cherry, titled “What Is the Negativity Bias?,” shows that the research is clear that we do focus more on negative thoughts for a variety of reasons. Per that article:
As humans, we tend to:
- Remember traumatic experiences better than positive ones.
- Recall insults better than praise.
- React more strongly to negative stimuli.
- Think about negative things more frequently than positive ones.
- Respond more strongly to negative events than to equally positive ones.
Yikes! Intuitively, it looks like the deck is stacked against us. That’s precisely why we must be deliberate and intentional in our mindset and our strategy to stop catastrophizing and start celebrating our successes and blessings regardless of how small.
Unfortunately, for a solution, people too often turn to social media to get the quick fix of a dopamine “happiness high” that is usually short-lived. Some binge-watch a random series on a streaming service recommended by friends or watch another Hallmark Christmas movie on cable to distract them from the real world. Aren’t all Hallmark movies basically produced from the same premise? Some single parent with a kid meets a single person in some weird coincidental way and the sparks fly, they almost get together, then don’t get together, then they ultimately do get together? So, if you have seen one, you have essentially seen them all, right? Not that I have ever seen a Hallmark movie because, well, you know, that wouldn’t be very masculine. Of course I have seen some; my wife controls the remote! So, I do speak from experience.
But what if we would reframe the way we handle what life throws at us and purposely try to find the blessing and silver lining, as much as possible. For instance, when an elderly family member passes away, certainly there is a need for a period of grief, but what if the focus quickly turned to celebrating that individual and the blessings of having them in your life? Didn’t get that big promotion you were hoping for? Focus on the fact that you are employed and there will be better days ahead. Instead of focusing on the disappointment of losing a championship, focus on how well the team played to get to that point. That literally just happened to my senior softball team that finished the regular season in sixth place and managed to make it to the league championship game before losing in the last inning. It was certainly a bummer, but far more importantly we made new friends, had a great time and no one sustained a serious injury (which at our age is itself a blessing).
I am so grateful for all the blessings in my life. I have so many people to thank that I sometimes take it for granted that they know how much I appreciate them. As I get older, I realize more and more how important it is to be thankful and to be intentional about saying thank you. Do it now. Do it while you can. Do it before it’s too late. Be intentional and be deliberate.
Every Thanksgiving it is a tradition in my wife’s family to go around the table and say what you are thankful for in your life. While you will hear similar answers (I am thankful for…my mom, my parents, my spouse, my teacher, my friends, my coach, or the always popular fall back, “family”), it is worth the exercise to say it out loud in front of others. By the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with answering “family.” Too often we take family for granted.
One answer, that I think we all tend to forget, is being thankful for our health. There are so many people who are suffering from health issues both physical and mental while the rest of us so routinely take our good health for granted. They need to hear from you that you are thinking about them and praying for them. If they made a difference in your life, then be deliberate and intentional and tell them so. It could make such a difference to them. You just never know when a timely word of thanks, encouragement or even a simple “how ya doing” might change their outlook, even if for just a brief time.
Some of you probably think the Thanksgiving table exercise sounds hokey. Well, I beg to differ. It’s a tradition so important that the younger generation know that it matters, that taking time to think about what they are thankful for and then acknowledging it matters. We are entitled to nothing and need to make sure that we appreciate even the small things in life that can put a smile back on your face and bring you joy. We live in a world that thrives on those usually insignificant and temporary dopamine hits (mostly from social media transactions), instead of more deep, transformational actions and relationships that bring lasting joy.
Even if you can’t be with family and friends in person for the holidays, with today’s technology you can join them via FaceTime, Zoom or some other online platform. You can certainly text, email, send a card or call them…yes, make a phone call. Remember that skill? It is supposedly a smartPHONE, after all.
Personally, I have so much to be thankful for this year. 2023 has been our first full year of retirement and it has been amazing. My wife, Heidi, and I agree that even more than the incredible weather in South Carolina, finding a great new church and church family has brought the most incredible joy to our lives. Lowcountry Community Church in Bluffton has been a transformative addition to our purpose in retirement. We regularly attend services, participate in a home group Bible study and attend classes, lectures and retreats. I have been very active with our youth ministry assisting with the ninth grade boys’ group every Wednesday night.
Our church also introduced me to the local Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) chapter, the Christian Business Men’s Connection (CBMC), and The Red Truck Men’s group whose motto is “Creating a Culture of Honor” and providing a “Safe Space for Dangerous Conversations.” It’s a group that allows men the ability to be vulnerable with each other as we serve God. I’m looking forward to continuing to serve and make a difference in the lives of others.
I’m thankful for my wife being willing to step outside her comfort zone and trust me that the timing was right for our retirement move and new adventures. She admittedly doesn’t do change well and for her to have the courage to purge, pack and move showed me that she trusted the research I did on the timing and the details that helped to make it all happen. She continues to be the glue in our family that keeps us close and makes family a priority.
I am thankful for our three children. We have been blessed to have hard-working, commonsense kids, who have great jobs and great friends, and they even still like to hang out with us. I am thankful for my parents who are 91 and 86 and have even made the 11-hour trip from Pittsburgh to Bluffton twice this year. I am thankful for my faithful sidekick Barkley, our dog of six years, who loves me unconditionally.
I am thankful for the many friends, old and new, and family members who have taught me life lessons so well, including the very important lesson that “You either win or you learn.” I know that I fall short of my potential, but I believe that any of the real achievements I have had in my life are because of the great support system I have been blessed with and is willing to put up with me. I am thankful for my aforementioned softball teammates, who helped remind me that no matter the score, you give your best to the very end. A special nod to my teammate Tim Griffiths, a fellow Penn State alumnus, who also reminded us to have fun at every practice and every game and kept us in stitches all season.
So, I ask you again, as I do every year at this time, to take intentional time to sit and think of all the blessings in your life. Then be deliberate in thanking those individuals who have helped you or challenged you to be better, and perhaps taught you some of life’s best lessons along the way.
It does not matter if you are young or old, wealthy or poor, in good health or battling an illness, all of us can find something to be grateful for if we choose to do so. Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you will take the time to find your blessings.
