Listening is an important skill to have in all relationships, but for adult children of parents who may need assistance, the ability to listen can be crucial to successful outcomes for the whole family, according to a press release from Homewatch CareGivers of Central Pennsylvania.
Even before a conversation about long-term care needs and wants takes place, there can be subtle hints dropped in other chats. A good listener will be one step ahead when it comes time to make decisions for the whole family.
When people feel heard, it can reduce frustration and anger, therefore making change more possible between all parties. Here are five tips to becoming a better listener:
■ Keep quiet.
Sometimes, people are listening just to respond rather than truly being present for what is being said. This impulse to take a turn in the conversation can lead to interruption which does not make the other person feel heard.
It’s not rude to wait until your opinion is asked for or the other person has said his or her piece before speaking.
■ Stay focused.
No, you don’t need to check your smartphone right now. It’s not possible to be in two places at once, and that is what you are trying to do when someone is talking to you and you are reading texts or emails or scrolling through an Instagram feed.
The only time someone should be using a device while in a conversation is if there are notes related to the conversation that need to be written down in the moment.
■ Look.
Of course we hear with our ears, but it matters where our eyes are, too, when someone is speaking to us. This shows the other person that he or she has your attention.
However, this is not a staring contest. This also can be an opportunity to observe non-verbal cues, such as facial expression.
■ Repeat, repeat.
Without interrupting the speaker, paraphrase what he or she has said back to that person when possible.
This can be tricky, because you don’t want to sound like you are mocking anyone. You can say, “What I think I heard you say is … .” This can show that you were listening, and also clear up any possible misunderstandings.
■ Ask questions.
Rather than wait to share your advice, your own story or some other tidbit, keep asking meaningful questions. These should be open-ended questions, not just ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions.
This can show that you truly care what this person has to say.
Good listening can be a sign of respect. And, when elders are feeling vulnerable already, a little respect and kindness go a long way toward finding solutions together.
