Last week seemed to be a turning point in what is looking more and more like the civil war of 2018. People seemed to have totally given up on the idea that we can disagree with each other and still be friends. At this point, I think I would settle for just being polite.
As the heat on the immigration issue and the cries about separating children from parents of people trying to enter the country illegally reached a boiling point last week, a “friend” on social media put up a post that said something along the lines of “if you disagree with my opinions, unfriend me.”
I was happy to oblige.
I was reminded of that line from one of the Austin Power’s movies. “‘There’s only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch.”
Unfortunately, irony isn’t always funny.
What has happened to dialogue and conversation about our different viewpoints? How did we get to this point of factions and lines in the sand and that we can’t even be friends with people whose views don’t match ours?
When did we move into the personal attack as our first reflex?
2018 is the year of bad manners. The person or persons who don’t agree with your position are asking for personal attacks. In fact, through the lens of today, they deserve it.
Case in point: White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was out for dinner last week in Virginia at a restaurant called The Red Hen and one of the wait staff realized who she was. According to the restaurant owner’s report, the staff started murmuring among themselves, got worked up and someone eventually called the owner to come in from home. She pulled Sanders aside and explained that, based on the owners “moral” convictions and standards, she had to ask Sanders to leave. Sanders offered to pay for what they had eaten but the owner refused to accept their money. Sanders and the rest of her party left without incident.
So we can now pull out our individual moral compasses and decide who we serve or don’t serve in restaurants.
Slippery slope? We have already slid down, are hanging on for dear life and whatever awaits us at the bottom of the abyss is lapping at our heels.
Inevitably, we hear the rationale that “they started it.” It is increasingly more common to hear people justifying their own bad behavior with examples of bad behavior in others.
There is that baker in Colorado right? I’m not an attorney but from what I read, the U.S. Supreme Court case, which ruled in favor of the man in Colorado who refused to make a cake for a gay couple for their wedding based on religious objections, didn’t extend to all bakers and all cakes and the right to discriminate against people any time we want. That case was more about how a state civil rights commission made a particular assessment of someone’s religious views in that one case. I don’t think anyone saw it as an all bets are off for discrimination.
What if the owner of the Red Hen said she didn’t want to serve Sanders and her guests based on gender or race or religion or sexual orientation? Why stop there? I’m uncomfortable with convicted felons so they have to go. While I’m at it, I don’t like smokers, vegetarians, people who wear clothing made in sweatshops or patrons who ask for plastic straws. If you don’t vote the way I do, you are a goner.
Thankfully we have laws that are in place to protect people from discrimination but we also have the right to show or take away our support of restaurant owners with our wallets.
We can disagree with each other without being rude.
The question remains. How are we going to bring our country back from this divide?
We all need to stop taking things so personally. Just because you are “over there” on immigration or borders or gun laws or taxes or whatever the issue du jour, it is not okay to be nasty or personally attack someone who is “over here.” We know from research in a variety of fields that relate to group dynamics that when we draw lines and divide into groups, our commonalities fade away from view and we take on even more extreme positions than we may actually believe.
We need to remind ourselves that we are more the same than different.
I’ve done the occasional housecleaning on my social media networks based on politics. I don’t unfriend people who disagree with me but I definitely hit the hide button or even unfriend altogether when the attacks get personal. If you start attacking my “friends” because their opinions differs from yours, you are definitely out. Last week, I posted my intention to hide people who are disrespectful in their politics on Facebook. I asked for and got pictures of puppies and kittens and people on vacation and rainbows in response. It was a hoot. The one person who told me I was not doing my research and that I would “flunk” an assignment on the topic was gone with one simple mouse click. Disagree? Yes. Personal attacks? Bye bye.
Abraham Lincoln said, paraphrasing the Gospels, “a house divided against itself cannot stand.” We are definitely losing our balance. I think it is going to come down to those of us in the middle to come together and to say we are no longer tolerant of the intolerance. We need to send the message from the top to the bottom. Personal attacks are not okay.
