The news that the human remains found last week have been confirmed as those of 18-year-old University of Virginia freshman Hannah Graham was heartbreaking.
Like so many others, I was holding out hope that she would be found alive and unharmed.
Hannah was seen on several business surveillance tapes on the night she was went missing, seemingly lost and confused, walking and at times running to find her way. Eventually the tapes show Hannah being followed by a person who has since been charged with crimes related to her disappearance. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family, friends and the UVA community.
The innocence and exuberance of the young girl in the pictures released by law enforcement are in such contrast to the evil and darkness of the opportunists waiting to take advantage and to harm.
Why do some of these stories of missing persons or of crimes against young people make the front page and hourly cable news coverage when others don’t? Some argue that it is race or privilege or location that draws our attention when a crime of this nature takes place. Others will say it’s the juxtaposition of the horror of the crime with the incredible life force of children and teenagers — unrealized potential — that make it more news worthy.
My sadness was that she could be one of ours.
The community around the University of Virginia is not unlike that which we call Happy Valley. They’re small towns where major universities define their community, economics, employment opportunities and the residents who are drawn to all that a large learning institution can offer. They’re towns that are rated among the “safest” and the “best place to live” and “most educated.” They’re towns which seem, on the surface, to be immune to the problems of urban areas and sometimes the rural areas just outside of the university gates.
The students arriving in these small towns each fall and are greeted with signs in store windows that welcome them. We say “We are here for you” as we open the doors to our businesses and restaurants and service programs, often donning the Blue and White colors of Penn State. They live in huge dorm areas or apartment complexes that are made up of other young people who are also here ostensibly for the purpose of getting an education — perhaps further distancing them from what we often call the “real world.” They leave their cars and their dorm rooms and their backpacks unlocked and out in the open.
These are young people experiencing independence for the first time. They are at the age where development of one’s self-identity and differentiation becomes attached to fitting in and being accepted. It’s a time to test the boundaries of the values that they bring from their families. It’s a culture and a co-hort in which the rules of engagement are accelerated in terms of familiarity, intimacy and sexuality.
The naiveté of youth.
In some respects our bucolic Happy Valley sets the stage for students to miscalculate the potential risks in the crowd or in the red solo cup that is handed to them by a friendly stranger. If one can walk anywhere during the day, isn’t it okay to do it at night? It’s unfathomable to think of someone entering my unlocked dorm room at night to do me harm or that the garbage can full of Jungle Juice at that fraternity has actually been dosed with the date rape drug. This is Happy Valley right? Who would think that cute guy at the party or the friendly adult who offers to help me when I’m lost would actually be someone who might hurt me?
What could possibly happen in Charlottesville Virginia?
And then it does happen. A single decision leads to a series of events and the horrors of a child who goes missing.
Like the movie The Truman Show, the reality behind the utopian façade of the college town is a bit more threatening.
In truth, this is a safe community. In truth, there are also people who will recognize when someone is vulnerable and therefore easier prey. My mantra to the students in my classes and to my own children as they reached college age was this: if you are going out tonight, remember three things. Don’t take an open drink from anyone. Don’t ever walk home alone. Don’t let your friends end up like Natalie Hollaway.
They look at me and smile. The over reacting rantings of an out-of-touch mom and an old fashioned faculty advisor. This is State College. What can possibly happen to me here?
It most instances, probably nothing. Go to parties. Have fun at college. Meet new people. Let your sense of comfort in this small town guide you to try new things and to expand your learning. Embrace all that we offer. But just be smart about it.
Just as we lock our cars or our houses and put away our jewelry or our money to make it more difficult for someone to take, we can do the same in protecting ourselves. The first involves not drinking to the point of losing the ability to problem solve. The second is living by the rule that there is greater safety in numbers. Last, those “stranger danger” warnings that we learned in pre-school extend to college and well after.
I heard a State College police officer say that statistically a student walking home alone at night is less at risk in State College than the drunk girl in a fraternity basement. Most likely, a student walking home alone at night will probably not meet a monster like the person who took the life of sweet Hannah Graham. But like so many things in life, that one time, that one decision, that one left or right turn or that one encounter can be forever life changing.
All it takes is once.
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