CENTRE COUNTY — American author and editor Joseph Campbell wrote:
“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”
I often share that quote because it really speaks to me. Many people search for a meaning in life. And when they lose a loved one, they search for a meaning in that. Time and time again, participants in our grief education and support gatherings share their dislike of others saying to them, “Everything happens for a reason.” For these mourners that sentiment is not comforting. I like Franciscan monk Richard Rohr’s phrase, “Everything belongs.”
Everything belongs doesn’t mean the loss happened for a reason or that it has meaning. It simply means that the challenge is to make the deaths belong as part of your lives, as part of our stories.
So instead of looking for meaning, I encourage people to look for experiences of being fully alive. Fully alive can be filled with emotions like joy and happiness as well as emotions like grief and fear. It’s that feeling when every cell in our body resonates together. Children often model being fully alive for us — imagine toddlers who are thrilled with something. With our son we called it the “happy dance.” He’d smile and his little feet just had to move. And now imagine toddlers who are extremely unhappy. There are tears, sad sounds, clenched fists, etc. Their entire being is feeling the unhappiness.
How do we find experiences of being fully alive? It involves conversations with ourselves and checking in with our heads, hearts, bodies and souls. The thoughts in our heads aren’t always clear, but our bodies don’t lie and our hearts and souls are there for the asking.
I remember an experience of feeling fully alive that I had a couple of years ago. It was during the time when my dad’s health was beginning to decline and my days were filled with medical appointments balanced with my family and work. Fortunately for me, months before, our daughter purchased tickets for the two of us to see the Jonas Brothers in Washington D.C. (We have a history of seeing their concerts together, beginning when she was a preteen. Including once when we were recorded together and the social media post went viral with millions of views.)
On that weekend, I drove to Washington D.C., and the two of us attended the concert at the Capital One Arena. With my earplugs in place — concerts are too loud for me these days — we found our seats on the floor. From then on, we only sat during breaks between the different bands. The rest of the time we were on our feet with the crowd singing, dancing and moving to the music. I felt so alive! I wanted more of that feeling.
Music and dancing have that effect on me. I feel the same way these days when I attend my cardio dance class at the YMCA. Our incredible instructor, Ellen Deno, leads us in fun, creative, aerobic dances and while I’m there, I know I’m fully alive and enjoying that special community of people. And if you see me driving around town, don’t be surprised if I’m singing and swaying to the music coming through my car’s sound system.
Other ways I become fully alive are times with my family, out in nature, in meditation and facilitating grief education and support gatherings where I invite others to be fully alive too. I experience a full range of emotions on a regular basis. A lot of my work is around dying, death and grief. This work continually emphasizes the importance of chasing life and seizing each day.
You are welcome to join us at the following gatherings where you’ll be invited to chase life after a death:
- The Alchemy of Equus: Creating Your New Beginning After Loss on Friday, April 25, from 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. at Buffalo Run Farm, 2929 Buffalo Run Road, Bellefonte.
- Virtual Monday’s Moments Gatherings, “Chasing Life” on Monday, May 5, from noon to 1:30 p.m. on Zoom.
- Med-Knit-ations: Knitting Our Hearts Back Together in Partnership with Centre Region Parks & Recreation on Tuesday, May 13, from noon to 1:30 p.m. at Millbrook Marsh Nature Center, Donald Hamer Community Room, 548 Puddintown Road, State College.
- Stories of Loss in Partnership with Juniper at Brookline on Tuesdays, May 13 and May 27, from 4:30 to 6 p.m. at Juniper at Brookline, 1950 Cliffside Drive, State College.
- Monday’s Moments at Millbrook Marsh in Partnership with Centre Region Parks & Recreation on Monday, May 19, from noon to 1:30 p.m. at Millbrook Marsh Nature Center, Donald Hamer Community Room, 548 Puddintown Road, State College.
- Death Café Virtual Gathering on Monday, May 19, from 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. on Zoom.
More information on all of these programs can be found on the Bereavement Gatherings and Events page under Resources on the Koch Funeral Home website. To reserve your spot and receive the invitation links, email Jackie@JackieHook.com, call 814-237-2712 or visit the Koch Funeral Home Facebook page.
