By MARC MCCANN
CENTRE COUNTY — The last couple of months were tax season, with Tuesday, April 15, the filing deadline. I started completing tax returns for my three boys whenever they got their first jobs — around age 16 — and were required to file. I continued this for many years, but as my kids got into their 20s, their tax situations became more complex and my involvement more stressful.
I initially felt that doing this chore for them was a positive way to support them. But as one son moved out of state, and then worked for several years outside the country, the challenge to complete his returns increased. My other two sons had sometimes complicated work or financial situations — like with the one who dabbles in purchasing and selling stocks — adding even more stress.
My plan was to wean them off this support by sitting down with them individually and teaching them by doing their taxes together, then offering to be a support as they completed them independently after that. Despite my efforts, this plan failed miserably. It was nearly impossible to get them to comply with this attempt, and I shouldered more responsibility for completion than I should have.
In April 2024, I told them that I’d just finished doing their taxes for the last time. Over the ensuing months, I clearly communicated that they needed to prepare to complete their taxes themselves, and that I would be a resource if needed, but wouldn’t run point. However, as time marched forward and I didn’t hear from them about taxes, I had to steel myself for last-minute scrambling or cries for help. It was time to cut the cords!
As it turned out, there were just a few last-minute issues, but all three of them did figure things out and filed their taxes successfully. I felt the relief of having this burden off my shoulders, and it led me to reflect on when and where as parents we should cut cords to encourage independence. Consider talking to your partner about other similar scenarios, based on the situation and your child’s age, and when is the healthy time to encourage versus demand independence?
