By John Valentik, M.S., CSCS, NASM-PES, CES
This past summer, my 83-year-old mom and 86-year-old father wanted to take their family – now 29 strong – out for dinner one night during our week-long stay in Ocean City, Md. Mom had called ahead and reserved a huge section of an Italian pizza place after they told her that they could accommodate her large family. About 30 minutes after taking everyone’s order, the waitress brought out only 10 of the dinners.
My Mom asked the waitress where the other dinners were, and she informed her that they were making the food and bringing it out in thirds, because they were short on cooks. My Mom asked for the manager to come over to our table and she politely yet firmly expressed her strong disappointment.
Well, this “confrontation” was very uncomfortable for the grandchildren, now mostly in their late teens and early twenties. My son (Mom’s grandson) felt so bad for the manager and told her, “It’s OK. We don’t mind waiting.” Other grandchildren chimed in, agreeing with my son. I quickly confronted my son and told him to back off and let his grandmother address the issue.
After dinner, I had a good, long talk with my son, explaining why I abruptly asked him to back off, and that his grandmother actually handled the situation the way it should have been handled.
It dawned on me that this younger generation grew up addressing issues with their friends mostly on their cell phones. This approach cheats the individual out of practicing how to address issues face-to-face. Learning how to look someone in the eyes and respectfully address issues is a form of human development; and all forms of human development require adequate repetition and experience.
As parents, we should encourage our kids to address issues they’re having with friends, classmates, or teammates face-to-face. We want to help them develop this important interpersonal skill that’s becoming a lost art! Our kids need to know that confrontation is not a bad thing; asking for what you want is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s really important in both life and in relationships, and there’s a positive, constructive, nice way to do it – with dignity and a desire to resolve the issue. We can help our kids by offering ideas on how to approach difficult conversations and how to frame their message so that it’s received more favorably.
