CENTRE COUNTY — Last week, my mother-in-law, Jean Logan, died at the age of 81 after a 10-year battle with cancer. This was the first grandparent death that our three kids had to experience.
My kids traveled to Lancaster to show their respects and say their goodbyes to their grandmother, affectionately known as “Grammy.” Grammy’s oncologist informed the family that the chemo treatment had run its course, giving her only days to live. We encouraged our kids to maximize their time with Grammy while she still had her mental capacity.
We also talked about the importance of celebrating Grammy’s life. One night, my daughter Addie, son Zach and nephew Andrew got out their guitars and took song requests from Grammy. Priceless! At one point, Addie broke down and was unable to continue playing the guitar and singing. Although there wasn’t a dry eye in Grammy’s room that night, it was one of the most meaningful nights that I can remember.
During this difficult period, I also wanted my kids to realize how important it was for them to be there for their Mom as she mourns the death of her mom. Just be there to hug her, sit by her side and cry with her.
My mother-in-law was incredibly brave and unselfish during her last days. She comforted her best friend of 70 years by telling her that, “it’s really ok! This might be goodbye for now, but I’ll see you in heaven!” During the hospice nurse’s visit, Jean was more concerned about what they could do for her husband Eugene, who had a bad knee. The nurse replied, “Jean, this visit is about our care plan for you!” Not once did Jean complain about dying. She was so “other-oriented” — wanting to make sure her children and grandchildren were going to be ok.
I didn’t need to comfort our kids much during this difficult time, because Grammy comforted them and taught them firsthand how to die with dignity and grace. My only job was to reinforce how brave and loving their Grammy was, and to take notes for when it’s my time.
Bob Orndorff is the Senior Director of Career Services and an Affiliate associate professor in Counselor Education at Penn State and has been involved with local fathering efforts in Centre County, in cooperation with the National Center for Fathering, for 22 years. Read more and comment at Facebook.com/profile.php?id=61571382497388 or by emailing BobOrndorff@psu.edu
