When my husband was diagnosed with tonsil cancer last summer, I learned a lot about how people respond to that dreaded “C” word. Most reacted in one of two ways: either they told us how sorry they were; or they tried to encourage us by mentioning the advances in various cancer treatments.
When people reacted with just one of those ways by itself, I appreciated their care, but for some reason my spirits weren’t as lifted as when they included both. One wise friend helped me realize this.
During a text conversation with this friend, I shared how John and I were soon going to be driving back to State College from Philadelphia and once home, I’d need to care for his tracheotomy, feeding tube, and drainage tubes. I also shared the very encouraging cure rate statistics.
My friend replied to all of this by texting, “That sounds like SO much, Jackie. It must be overwhelming and scary to step into a caregiving role that carries so much weight. Those stats sound very reassuring though. We are all thinking of you!”
To which I replied, “… thank you so much for your response. You are very good at that. You acknowledged the challenging aspects and the hope…!” That’s a nourishing memory I carry with me.
With John being cancer-free now, and the intense parts of his journey behind us, I felt a little space in my life to do something for me. So, I decided to go on a personal retreat to Bethany Retreat Center in Frenchville.
A friend asked what my intention was for this retreat and I said, “To go deeper.” I’ve always loved the St. Catherine of Genoa quote, “My deepest me is God.” That is where I wanted to go, and I wasn’t disappointed.
On my first day there, I mentioned to Sister Ruth Ann that it would be nice to walk the trail in the woods to the top of the hill. She replied that although it would be beautiful, it would also be hard work hiking through the foot of snow on the ground. Later, she shared my desire with the maintenance manager,
Bill, who generously took his tractor and plowed a 1.5-mile hiking loop! Just for me! I was so touched and grateful!
Over my four days at Bethany, I spent hours walking in the frigid temperatures on that trail. Duringthose walks, nature sparkled, glimmered, and shined! And I spent time in silence, meeting with SisterRuth Ann, reading, meditating, praying, and journaling. I reached some of the depths I wanted and feltconnected and renewed. That’s another nourishing memory I carry with me.
Our nourishing memories can come in many ways – through comments from other people, time apart in nature, and going deeper as they did for me. Or a hundred other ways. We can each find our own nourishing memories; memories that feed, nurture, and promote growth and development in us. I wish that for all of you.
