Recently I asked several online AI apps the question, “What matters most?” The answers varied slightly, and acknowledged individual preferences, but what was consistently first in each listing of options were mentions of connections and relationships.
I like those words. Connection is from the Latin connexionem meaning “a binding or joining together.”
And relationship means kindred, affinity, or other alliance. Together they are affinities and joining together with humans, animals, nature, and/or spiritual beings.
So, when a death occurs, how can we attend to what matters most, and find healing when our connections and relationships change? A 2025 National Funeral Directors Association study provides some insight.
In this study, researchers found that over half of all respondents agreed it is important to commemorate someone with a funeral or memorial service, and for Generation Z members (people born between 1997 and 2012), nearly 70% felt that way. Younger generations were also more likely to emphasize the importance of viewing a body. In addition, Gen Z members preferred burial over cremation, unlike older generations that chose cremation.
As evident by this study, how we pay attention to connections and relationships around death varies across generations. Although one thing remains constant, we participate in some kind of funeral. A funeral being the process that begins at the place of death, ends at the final resting place, and includes everything occurring in between.
In her book, Death Nesting: Ancient & Modern Death Doula Techniques, Mindfulness Practices and Herbal Care, Anne-Marie Keppel says a “good funeral” has four components: “the deceased (in whatever form they wish), the mourners (our family and friends), the remembrance (a gathering where we honor and remember the dead), and the disposition (accompanying the dead to the ground or fire).”
There is no one way to have a “good funeral.” These four components can be implemented however we choose. One thing that is interesting to me is that as a member of the Baby Boomer Generation, my funeral choices most align with the Gen Zers.
After officiating at more than 200 funeral, memorial, and celebration of life services, and companioning countless people around dying, death, and grief, I’ve witnessed the beauty and healing of creating unique, one-of-a-kind ways to commemorate someone. I’ve seen connections made and relationships supported during these times.
I’ve also witnessed and experienced firsthand the power of viewing the body after a death. My family and I spent hours with my dad after he died two years ago. This time definitely helped us begin to accept the reality of his death, one of the needs of mourners. Plus, I’ve felt the gentleness and peacefulness of returning to the earth burial disposition option, and that now appeals to me personally.
It’s important for us to think and talk about how we want to attend to connections and relationships before we and those we love die. The added benefit is that by doing this, it will help us pay attention to what matters most today!
