Battista: How Many Hats Does a Man Need?

A couple years ago my wife and I were shopping at Dick’s Sporting Goods, and I saw a really nice U.S. Ryder Cup hat that was regularly $45 on sale for $15. I really wanted to buy the hat. My wife intervened and asked a nearby clerk, a young man, “How many hats does a man really need?” Without hesitation the young man responded, “Two less than the number of pairs of shoes you own.”  

I high fived the young man and said, “Then I will take that one, that one, that one, and….” Unfortunately, every time I am given or buy a new hat my wife claims she gets to buy new shoes!

What got me all fired up about hats? While watching the Little League World Series there was a pitcher who had such big hair that his hat fell off after every pitch. I just laughed because it brought back great high school baseball memories from when I sported an “Omar Moreno” inspired afro and had the same issue keeping my hat on. So, I started thinking about why we wear hats, how we wear them, and what makes us pick out the hats we buy and wear.

What do your hats say about you? What makes you choose one over the other to wear out in public? 

Being the amateur sleuth that I am, I immediately went to the best source I know…Google. There I found the perfect column titled, “Hat-titude and The Psychology Behind Wearing Hats” on Psychles.com. Little did I know that I had stumbled across a subject that could take me down many a rabbit hole. So, for the sake of this column, you are stuck learning about the “Hats of JoeBa.”  

How do I pick hats to buy?  

First of all, I’m a baseball cap guy. 

Occasionally I will wear a bucket hat, although I’m doing it more often since I live in almost perpetual sunshine here in South Carolina and my dermatologist recommends them. I’ve never liked visors and I’m not a big cowboy hat guy, but I think I could give it a try now that I am in the South. I usually buy hats out of loyalty to Penn State, my Pittsburgh sports teams, events I attend, locations I visit, nostalgia every now and then, and to support groups and causes that relate to friends and family. I do wear ski caps in colder weather, and I do own a Crocodile Dundee hat my son brought back from Australia on occasion.  

What makes me choose one over the other to wear out in public? 

For me, it’s usually a last-minute decision based on the clothes I’m wearing, the activity I might be going to, and the weather forecast. Other times it’s an intentional choice, like when we are attending a Penn State, Pittsburgh or local sporting event (May River High School and USC-Beaufort) and I’m representing my team spirit. I’m not into wearing political slogans but I’m proud to wear hats with “USA” and an American flag. 

I couldn’t help but notice that for the first football game of the Matt Campbell era at Penn State, it was a beautiful sunny day in Beaver Stadium. I feel sorry for anyone who didn’t wear a hat! For his debut as Penn State head football coach, Matt Campbell wore a navy-blue hat on the sideline. It was a new Adidas hat with the Penn State Athletics Lion logo. Significant for two reasons: It promotes our new sponsor and there have only been a few times in the history of Penn State football that a head coach has sported a cap or hat of any kind on the sidelines.

Walking around the tailgates and inside Beaver Stadium over the years you would see so many styles and colors of hats. Most are blue and/or white, while some are gray, and lately more and more camouflage hats are showing up. Heck, these days you can buy a Nittany Lion logo hat in any color you can imagine. I still love my Lion Ambassador hat with the iconic Pozniak Lion logo. Shhhhh… don’t tell anyone, but I actually have two:  one to wear and one to display! I may even have a black beanie that represents one of those secret honor societies to which I may or may not belong.

Back in the early 2000s we took the family to Universal Studios in Orlando. While we were in one of the merchandise stores, I saw a guy wearing a PSU Lion logo hat. Naturally I walked toward him and said, “We Are!” He looks at me like I’m from Mars. I naively said, “Are you an alum or a fan?” He got this concerned look on his face and literally started speaking in Russian. The woman who was with him chuckled and spoke up in broken English and said, ”We are not from here and we don’t understand ’We Are.’” So, I explained it to which she laughed and said, “He bought it in a store in NYC because he liked the symbol!” 

Some hats are just cool. Some are to make a statement. Some are just plain funny. My RBC Heritage Classic and Masters golf hats are simply too nice to wear anywhere, and they are for display only. My “Straight out of Yemassee” hat was a white elephant gift and is a reference to when 50 research monkeys escaped from a facility in Yemassee, S.C. back in June of 2025. It always gets a chuckle down here, so I just can’t get rid of it.

My favorite hat is my 1980 Olympic hockey “Miracle on Ice” hat signed by team captain Mike Eruzione. It has a prominent spot in my home office next to several of my hockey memorabilia, including a framed signed photo of that gold medal winning team. I have a sharp looking Cross Ice Pass hat from my buddy and podcaster Steve Mosier. I recently left one of my favorite hats, a Sun Valley Suns hockey hat, behind at hotel in St. Mary’s while attending a wedding. It was going to be $40 to ship it to me! Heck, I might as well order a brand new one online.

My Civil War Union blue and Confederate gray hats are displayed in my office, along with a Manassas National Battlefield hat next to my replica Colt revolver and my shelf of Civil War books. The hats were left over from when my son Ryan and his friend Zach “Marty” Martin made a video for Ryan’s class reenacting a scene from the Battle of Gettysburg. 

What other hats are in my collection? Well, let me tell you.There are Steelers, Pirates, Penguins, Penn State hockey and football, USC-Beaufort basketball and baseball, North Central High School and May River High School athletic hats. Hats from Sunbeam and Red Fish Lodge Lake in Idaho. I have several hats from the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, The Red Truck Men (a Christian Men’s Group), and Lowcountry Community Church. I also have a bunch of “SC” hats representing State College baseball (from my son Ryan’s days), Sun City Softball, South Carolina, but I refuse to wear a Senior Citizen hat given to me when I turned 65! Don’t get me wrong, my wife and I take full advantage of all the deals that come from being over 65 but won’t be promoting that milestone publicly. 

I even have a white Fedora ($5 at Goodwill!) that goes with my white sport coat, white pants, silk print shirt, and gold medallion for when I’m going to a “Saturday Night Fever” themed party. 

During our recent house purges — yes, plural since we’ve moved homes twice in the last four years — I reluctantly gave up plenty of my old favorites. Some were just too ratty and sun-faded, and others simply out of date. When you play golf here, especially in the summer, it’s so hot that you sweat through a lot of hats. 

I should point out that white hats and I just aren’t meant for each other. It’s not a “good guy, bad guy” thing;it’s just that I can’t keep white hats clean. I even understand why our senior softball league presumably switched to all white hats a couple years ago. It was because of the reflective nature of the hat to assist with keeping us cool in the South Carolina sun and heat. Well, I still sweat profusely and all of mine just get dirty! 

Of course, my wife feels like she has the best hat of all. A Jessie Pegula-signed U.S. Open tennis hat. I guess it’s time for me to cash in on a pair of shoes since she got that hat.