Frank: More Ways to Enhance Your Game Day!

“Hello, old chap, you got to work, hey?”
Tom wheeled suddenly and said:
“Why, it’s you, Ben! I warn’t noticing.”
“Say—I’m going in a-swimming, I am. Don’t you wish you could? But of course you’d druther WORK—wouldn’t you? Course you would!”
Tom contemplated the boy a bit, and said:
“What do you call work?”
“Why, ain’t THAT work?”
Tom resumed his whitewashing, and answered carelessly:
“Well, maybe it is, and maybe it ain’t. All I know, is, it suits Tom Sawyer.”
“Oh come, now, you don’t mean to let on that you LIKE it?”
The brush continued to move.
“Like it? Well, I don’t see why I oughtn’t to like it. Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?”
That put the thing in a new light. Ben stopped nibbling his apple. Tom swept his brush daintily back and forth—stepped back to note the effect—added a touch here and there—criticised the effect again—Ben watching every move and getting more and more interested, more and more absorbed. Presently he said:
“Say, Tom, let ME whitewash a little.”
—From “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” by Mark Twain.

Penn State Athletics Launch Fan Rewards & Experiences Ahead Of 2026 Football Season
—Headline, Onward State.  

Penn State Athletics is excited to announce a second round of Fan Experiences! Now, in addition to prepping the locker room with the equipment staff ($1,806), setting up Beaver Stadium with the grounds crew ($261) and other unforgettable behind-the-scenes opportunities, Penn State Athletics is unveiling even more premium ways to squeeze dollars out of adoring fans get closer to the action and give back to our student athletes! Deep-pocketed fans looking for “more access, more memories, more Penn State” can now choose from these game day experiences!

• Scrub the Grout in the Locker Room Showers ($2,486)! Step into the shower room after the players have rinsed off four quarters of blood, sweat and grime and know that you are doing your part to prevent athlete’s foot and other fungal infections! Guests will be given blue-and-white Nittany Lion-themed toothbrushes as keepsakes!
• Signed Mouthguard ($1,257)! After your favorite Nittany Lion signs the mouthguard he wore during the game, this precious bit of personal protective equipment will be encased in an attractive block of Lucite that shows off your Penn State Pride!
• Redacted game plans signed by Coach Matt Campbell and his assistants ($3,452)! Every Nittany Lions victory starts with a winning game plan! Of course, we can’t make too many details public, lest Coach Campbell and his staff want to reuse any of those play sequences in future contests, so your copy of the game plan will include many black bars, but that will only make you feel like you are doing your part to keep Penn State’s playbook safe!
• Try on the Nittany Lion’s costume – after the game ($763)! The Nittany Lion works up quite a sweat on gameday! This is your chance to inhale the sweet smell of victory!
• Coach Campbell’s signature on a can of Campbell’s Chunky Soup of your choice ($4,962)! Imagine digging into that bowl of hot soup after coming home from a night game in late November! M’m! M’m! Great!
• Change a Beaver Stadium floodlight bulb ($3,286)! Sure, it’s scary crawling around on the roof of the stadium, but think of the view of Mt. Nittany!
• Shovel the snow off the field after a storm with a yours-to-keep blue-and-white snow shovel emblazoned with the Nittany Lion logo ($5,927)! Remember the Snow Bowl (1995 vs. Michigan)? Help make the field playable! Why should local prison inmates have all the fun?
• Relieve the water boy ($1,486)! Playing football is thirsty work! What better way to show your loyalty to the team than to help keep the boys hydrated during timeouts!
• Clip the toenails of your favorite Nittany Lion ($4,287)! Talk about up close and personal! The best part: You get to keep the toenail clippings!
• Empty and clean the portable toilets in the tailgating lots ($9,642)! Greater love hath no member of Nittany Nation! 

Other schools’ limit their gameday experiences to spectatorship opportunities: Fans can watch part of the game from the sideline or the broadcast booth, or be in the tunnel when their team runs out onto the field. These are thrilling moments, to be sure, but only Penn State offers hands-on experiences! The best Indiana, the defending National Champion, can do is allow Hoosier fans to launch T-shirts into the crowd for $115.87.

Why are we offering these more intimate experiences? The website FanThreeSixty says it best: “Fans may spend a lot of time following on-field action, but nothing can make them love a team or player more than catching a special moment behind the scenes.”

Perhaps you’re wondering how we came up with our fare structure! Well, Ohio State may out-rank us in the polls (so far!), but look at what they’re charging for their fan experiences during this weekend’s game against Kent State: 

• Personal Videoboard Message: $150
• Pregame On-Field Photo: $100
• Lead O-H Chant On-Field: $300
• Watch Band Ramp Entrance: $100
• Youth High Five Tunnel: $200
• South Endzone Pregame Field Pass: $450
• 1st Half Kickoff Tee Runner: $300

Bargains? You know what they say: You get what you pay for!