Don’t make the mistake of thinking gossip trivial or unimportant. Do not dwell on the details. You wish to convey an air of knowingness, not a proof of knowledge, and by attempting too elaborate a narrative, you run the risk of getting it wrong. Somebody else in the room might have better information, and you will be seen as a mere reader of cheap newspapers.
– Lewis Lapham
The above quote comes from Lewis Lapham’s 1999 book, “Lapham’s Rules of Influence: A Careerist’s Guide to Success, Status, and Self-Congratulation,” which has been described as a satirical guidebook for people, especially young people, looking to navigate social and professional circles.
I’ve used that quote on these pages before, as well as several other quotes by Lapham, the longtime editor of Harper’s Magazine (may he rest in peace), because I appreciated the reality behind the supposed satire.
Lapham spent years within the company of the great and not-so-great, and after my own brief encounters with people in the entertainment industry trying to climb social and professional circles, the advice Lapham provides actually seemed to be considered by many as a user’s manual rather than a humorous mockery.
Here in Happy Valley, we’re not immune to the desires of gossip and rumor. As a small remote town – take away the college students and we drop down the population rankings – we don’t even rate a Costco. But we have our inside scoops.
One of my favorite sources of this gossip shows up is in the reporting of local real estate transactions. I admit that before arriving back here in State College I never recall having paid attention to that information. Nor would I have known where to find it. Now, that could partly be a result of having lived in much more populated areas where that list would have run to pages every week, but here in State College it’s a manageable read.
And the wicked stepsister of reading about real estate transactions after they’ve taken place – “they spent that much/little on that?!?” – is reading the real estate listings themselves. Who’s selling what and for how much.
Recently a piece of real estate supposedly owned by a former head football coach showed up as being on the market at the bargain price of just under $2.5 million. Well, that certainly created an opportunity for some acquaintances to chit-chat about!
Another item that became a topic of conversation among a few of us was the announcement late last week that the solar power agreement among a number of local government entities was going to wither away. As much as I appreciate the powers-that-be stating that “fiscal responsibility for stakeholders in Centre County” was one of the project’s original goals, it doesn’t seem like that worked out too well for us stakeholders.
Then, over this past weekend, it was such a beautiful Saturday that when I needed to make a trip downtown, I decided to ride my electric scooter instead of driving the car. My electric scooter is a mode of transportation I have really learned to appreciate, by the way. If you don’t want to spend a thousand or more on an e-bike, or don’t have it in the first place, a few hundred on an electric scooter with a 20-mile range is, for my money, a great investment.
However, as I got closer to the west side of downtown I began to notice a number of young people out-and-about in green T-shirts. And the lightbulb went on – State Patty’s Day!
Now, in years past, the talk about State Patty’s Day would have been at least lukewarm among my compatriot “Boomer” subset of locals, but I had no inkling that it was even happening. And, apparently that was part of the plan, at least from the university’s standpoint.
According to news reports, Penn State did not issue a press release in the days before State Patty’s Day. A university spokesperson said that their focus was not to draw attention to the event, and as far as I could tell, that strategy worked because I certainly didn’t know about it. And, State Patty’s Day is a topic the local network usually has something to weigh in on.
To be fair, as someone who was a co-manager at The Phyrst back in the day, I’ve always had a soft spot for St. Patrick’s Day, and thought the ingenuity of creating a State Patty’s Day was an accomplishment, let alone something that has now survived a few decades.
And it isn’t just in Happy Valley. Our daughter called us from Arlington, Virginia, on Saturday and said she saw several groups of young adults walking around with green State Patty’s day T-shirts on. Well, that was a missed gossiping opportunity!
Speaking of missed opportunities, a topic of rumors that is just starting to resonate within the local circles that I frequent is Penn State’s transfer of State College Regional Airport to a local governmental entity, a transaction approved by both sides last week but still awaiting federal approval. So, if you hear anything about the inside scoop on that, feel free to let me know. Because, heaven forbid, my peers and I don’t want to be seen as mere readers of cheap newspapers!
