Back in early 1999 my wife and I moved from Orlando, Fla., to Bucks County, Pa., in part so that our then 4-year-old daughter could attend school in what we, and many others, considered to be a good school district.
We had gone so far in selling this pretense to our daughter – “You’re going to have such a great time in school! You’re really going to love learning! It’s so exciting!” – that once we settled into our new neighborhood our daughter couldn’t wait to partake of this wonderful experience.
After her very first day we were anxious to hear of our daughter’s exploits. Her reaction, however, was subdued. “When do we learn?” she asked us. “What do you mean?” we asked back. (Good parenting rule: always answer a question with a question!).
“Well,” she explained, “we line up to get snacks, we line up to use the bathroom – even if I don’t need to – we line up to go outside, we line up to go back inside, we line up to get our coats and leave. We spend a lot of the day lining up. When do we learn?”
And thus, we were tossed headfirst into that massive conundrum that every parent faces at some point: Do we rationalize reality for our child so we maintain the societal molding process, or do we admit our parenting error and basically say we misrepresented things?
In this case, those choices meant the first option was to explain that she was in fact learning. Learning to follow rules like lining up. Rules that make society function. And learning rules is important.
Or we could take the second option and say, yes, we oversold it. That our standard educational system is ancient, outdated and uses a century-old, follow-the-rules lining up method to teach our kids.
We chose the second option, never looked back, and let our kids decide when “lining up” was worthwhile to them. It worked wonderfully for us, and we highly recommend that parents try alternate educational methods.
But it seems most people are happy to stick with the traditional educational method that favors lining up. And, as I travel around Happy Valley, it’s always interesting to me to see how well that system has molded people into spending their time lining up. Especially in their cars.
There are the seven glaringly obvious times a year at Penn State home football games when lines of vehicles can stretch for hundreds of yards if not miles depending on the direction of your arrival to State College. Of course, the end result is the shared experience with over 100,000 other people, a unique opportunity that somehow makes the lining up in your car worth it.
And, lining up to park is just the beginning of your queueing experience at a Penn State football game. As individuals we’ll then need to line up to get through security, to show our ticket, to get to our seat, to get food, to get beer, and even to use the bathroom. Some might even line up to chug!
Then there are the numerous other sporting events at the Bryce Jordan Center and around campus that have people lining up to park their cars, albeit in generally shorter lines. Except when leaving the parking lots after the event.
But my favorite vehicle lines around town are those for various consumer products that we can’t seem to do without. Coffee seemingly being the king of the car lines.
Now, neither my wife nor I drink coffee as we’ve never enjoyed the taste. But, it’s certainly a popular beverage and we get the schadenfreude benefits of watching these “I need my coffee!” lines of cars from afar.
The Starbucks on North Atherton Street will often have a line of cars around the building. So much so that if you’re shopping in the Verizon store at the end of the building, you have to watch where you park or you’ll get blocked in by vehicles waiting in line for Starbucks. In fact, the line is so constant that the overhead Google Map view on my computer shows eight cars in line.
Similarly, the Dunkin’ in front of the Weis Plaza on North Atherton Street has a semi-permanent line that will sometimes stretch far enough to block the entrance drive to the Weis. Again, it’s constant enough that the Google Map view shows four cars in line.
And the newest coffee addition to Happy Valley — 7 Brew Coffee in the Hills Plaza on South Atherton Street – has already cemented its position as a coffee car line king. I have yet to drive by the building when there weren’t multiple cars in line. And sometimes looped around the building and back into the parking lot all the way to Ollie’s.
I’ve even seen cars near the back of the line, gone into the Giant – my normal reason for being in that plaza – gotten my groceries, seen little or no human line at the Starbucks inside the Giant, and come out to see the same cars still in line. Like I said, it’s become a car line king in just its few short months of existence. Although it’s too new to make the Google Map!
Other car line queues that stand out around town are the car wash lines at different times of the year – especially early spring when everyone wants to get the last vestiges of road salt off their vehicles. The Sheetz on West College Avenue by our house has had as many as 10 cars in line. Sheetz has even taken to putting orange cones out so the line only queues up in one direction.
To me, the most interesting thing about lines at the car washes is that each car wash takes about 10 minutes (we’re all getting the premium wash, right?). If you have even six cars in front of you, you could be sitting there for an hour! Thank goodness for cell phones, right?!
But with all these kings of car lines the one true emperor of car lines in Happy Valley has to be the Chick-fil-A. The lines at the Chick-fil-A on North Atherton Street are so constant and so long, that the business closed down for several months specifically to rebuild the drive-thru system because the lines were blocking traffic on North Atherton Street.
Not only that, Patton Township had to get involved and post “No Left Turn” signs to the entrance so you can only get into Chick-fil-A by making a right turn when driving from the north. Which makes me wonder, if I’m not allowed to make a left turn to get into Chick-fil-A, why am I allowed to make a left turn to get out of Chick-fil-A?
In any case, as a people we seemed to have been trained very well and enjoy lining up. And, it seems to help society function. Especially now that we’re coming into peak PennDOT construction season with highway lane closures (remember to use both lanes and zipper merge!). Just don’t mind if I skip all but those lines I’m forced to endure, and instead enjoy the view from the sidelines as I pass on by.
