“Life is short. People are hurting. Don’t be a jerk.” – John Pavlovitz
I want you to picture the following scenario. I bet many of you can relate. I will call it “the gas pump jerks” for the purposes of this column. They pump their gas and leave their cars at the pump while they go in to use the bathroom or get snacks. Worse yet, they go inside and order food and eat before returning to move their car. Some even have the nerve to come out and sit in their cars and eat their food while people are waiting to get gas! Some gas pump jerks sit in their cars and answer text messages or take their time putting their destination in while people are patiently waiting in line to get gas.
Don’t be a jerk. Be considerate of others. Pump your gas, pull your car into a parking space, and allow the next person in line to fill up their tank. Is that really too much to ask?
While at a Sheetz in Breezewood a few weeks ago on our way to see our daughter in Alexandria Virginia, a motorcyclist sat on his motorcycle eating his sub while people were lined up waiting to get gas. He clearly did this to be defiant. A “more experienced” member of his riding group walked over and had a brief chat. It looked like it had the potential to get a bit heated until the younger member reluctantly fired up his bike and relinquished his spot.
We go out of our way to find a Sheetz when we travel. The rest rooms are almost always clean, the staff is friendly, the parking lots are well lit, and there is a comfort factor with something we know. We shouldn’t need Sheetz-a Police-a to monitor the pumps while you throw down your Sheetz-a Pizza.
We all do small things that annoy others. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes without even realizing it. But when we simply do things out of spite, or being lazy or selfish, now you’ve crossed a line into being a jerk.
I’ve written previously about situational awareness, about being cognizant of your surroundings and the circumstances around you. Think about pedestrians walking across a busy street. No, there is no law that says you must walk quickly, and you don’t have to hustle across the walkway, especially if you are not physically able. But if you are, put a little zip in your stride as it helps speed up traffic for everyone. Think about that the next time you find yourself in a similar situation and you are the driver trying to make it through a light on the way to work or to get your kid to a doctor appointment.
A situation that causes both sides to accuse the other of being a jerk occurs at highway work zone merge points. You know, those places where signs say, “Right Lane Closed in 2 Miles” and everyone panics and starts getting in the left lane immediately. I drive as far as I can on the right lane to merge AT THE MERGE POINT. But inevitably someone pulls out in the right lane and now backs up both lanes just two miles farther back than necessary. Common sense, folks.
I am a staunch believer in the Zipper method of going from two lanes to one on a highway. Both lanes travel and take turns at the merge point. Remember the lesson of taking turns from kindergarten? If not, I recommend you order “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum. Priceless concepts on how to model common courtesy and mutual respect.
So, back to the “gas pump jerks” for a moment. Back in June we were on our way to South Carolina, and we stopped in Breezewood at — you guessed it — Sheetz. It was packed. While every pump lane had one or two cars patiently waiting in line to get gas, this young lady whips in right from the road, sees a car leaving and pulls right into the space I was waiting to use from the opposite direction.
I roll down my window, “Excuse me, I’ve been waiting my turn for the past five minutes.” Crickets. She ignores me and begins to put her credit card in the pump. “Ma’am come on, look at all the people waiting their turn.” Again, nothing as she starts pumping gas. “Really? You’re just going to ignore me?” She flicks me the bird. “You are a credit to the human race, young lady.”
She doesn’t even make eye contact and yells back, “F-you old man, I got here first, deal with it.” To which I responded, “Classy. Very classy.” So much for respecting your elders.
Couldn’t help but notice she was wearing an NCAA Softball Tournament 2019 long sleeve t-shirt and I couldn’t tell if she was a young coach, a former student-athlete or just a fan. If she was a coach, bad example. If she was a student-athlete she either had a bad coach or was a bad representative of her school. I know that the older gentleman who was with her was visibly embarrassed by the whole interaction. However, he said nothing.
In a few weeks a lot of visiting fans will be coming to Happy Valley for Penn State football. Don’t be a jerk. Be welcoming and hospitable. In my role as executive director of the Nittany Lion Club, I saw plenty of examples of model behavior and why visiting teams enjoy visiting. I also witnessed some of the worst of the worst in people. Again, don’t be a jerk.
In my role as HVAB Sports and Entertainment Alliance chair, I am asking all Centre Countians to put your best manners forward and help our hoteliers, restaurants and small businesses to serve our collective guests. Every week we have visitors who come to Centre County for sporting events, dance competitions, camps and more. Welcome them. Get excited at your event or competition. Cheer on your school or your kids’ team. But don’t be a jerk.
As I prepared for my Sunday trip to speak at a conference in sunny Orlando, Florida, my day started off with the dreaded technology glitch before I departed for the Pittsburgh airport. My electronic boarding pass did not display my TSA pre-check status. I followed all the prompts and received a confirmation message that they had indeed updated my profile and my status would be changed. But it wasn’t. No worries, I will just get it fixed at the kiosk when I arrive at the airport. So, I put in all my information, it showed my updated TSA status and voila! Wrong! Nada! Nothing. Boarding pass still didn’t show anything.
The younger, less patient JoeBa would have at this point gone all “Vesuvius” on someone and been a jerk in some way, probably making some already overworked and stressed-out airline counter agent lose another nerve. But I invoked my always evolving “Peace, be still” and “Don’t be a jerk” mantra, took a deep breath, and walked over to the young man who was doing his best to triage the people who probably had much more pressing problems than me.
He couldn’t have been nicer or more professional as he walked me over to his terminal, looked up my account, worked his magic, printed me a paper boarding pass with my TSA PRECHK right there in the upper left corner. Boom! But wait, it gets better. He asks if I wanted to check my carry-on bag free of charge for the inconvenience the airline had caused me. Whoa! Customer service is back in style.
As I was about to leave, I looked at the agent and said, “I have had a bit of a rough week. My new house construction has been delayed. My dog has had two surgeries this week, and as a result my wife could not make this trip with me to stay with him. You have made my day with your kindness and service.” I gave him a big smile and a hardy fist-bump, and I merrily strolled away to my flight. It took all of 30 seconds to get through the TSA security check instead of waiting the usual 30-45 minutes for airport security.
Now had I done the old hot blooded, impatient, hockey Coach Battista on him, and basically been a jerk, I likely would have gotten the jerk treatment right back. Instead, that young man made my day and there will be a nice email to the airline about his efforts. He has restored, at least temporarily, my faith in the workforce.
In the end, smile more. Be nice to people. Be empathetic and have a problem solver’s mindset. Heaven knows we have plenty of problem identifiers and enhancers who love to throw fuel on a burning flame. How much more productive and fun would life be with less “critics without credentials” and jerks in the world?
Try your best to be nice. Above all, just don’t be a jerk.
