Alex Haley, the author of Roots, said “In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.”
I was reminded of that family link this past weekend when I spent time with my extended family at the memorial service for my Uncle Ray.
Ray and his wife Janice are not by true genealogy my aunt and uncle but they are in every other sense of family.
My mother, as an only child, spent much of her childhood growing up with her cousins, including Ray, in the shared households that were common during the depression. Ray and Janice and all of the other uncles, aunts and cousins are who I consider my extended family.
It was that branch of my family tree that likely had the most impact on my roots and in shaping who I am today.
The annual trip each summer to visit the families who followed oldest brother Leo out to Chicago when jobs in Altoona became scarce. Shared vacations to the beach or to the lake. The years that their families would come back to Pennsylvania to visit those who stayed. As children, those awkward initial hours that naturally come with months of not seeing each other, quickly turned into fun and connection and, eventually, tears when the visits are over.
The shared experiences. The laughs. The stories. Stories shared over the years that connect us to each other and that allow next generation to continue that connection.
This past weekend at the celebration for Uncle Ray, it was the stories that I will treasure.
With the changing configuration of the family in our culture, much has been written about how the needs of individuals and communities have been impacted by the family. As our country developed, the extended family living near to each other and providing “the village” to rear children and provide support for one another formed a foundation for that connection to the past and the bridge to the future. As economic and other societal pressures forced the separation of family units within the larger family network, staying connected became more difficult.
While Facebook and other social media make it easier to keep up to date with what everyone is doing, there is nothing like the gathering for a wedding or reunion or sadly, a funeral, to make that reconnection.
In the days before the celebration of Uncle Ray’s life, the opportunity to sit and share an adult beverage with the other cousins of my age co-hort was absolutely priceless. I have not laughed as hard with people who know me so well for a very long time.
Remember the time Gregg slipped on the moss and went over that waterfall at that state park? Remember Kevin’s car and all of the empty food boxes and soda cans that he used to throw in the back? Remember fishing at the beach with our kids and Sarah winning the contest for catching the biggest fish? Remember how Uncle Ray hated cussing? Remember when we came to Penn State and there was a cow loose by the stadium? New jobs. Divorces. Who is not talking to whom. Weddings. Graduations. The successes of our children. Grandchildren. The health of our parents.
The humor in reliving an incident in which all of us had different perspectives on what happened, who did what and how it turned out.
There is nothing like family.
Research on the family has examined what appears to be a return to extended families – children, parents and grandparents – again living together because of economic pressures. Much research has looked at what is called the “sandwich generation” which is parents taking care of the children who still live or who have returned home and elderly grandparents moving in for similar support.
Anecdotally, I can tell you that the benefits of remaining in contact with one’s extended family are positive and enrich of our lives.
This past year at Thanksgiving, I watched my children and their cousins play cards around our kitchen island. Laughing. Shouting. Playing on teams. Some who hadn’t seen each other in a year. Cousins from State College and Atlanta and Cincinnati. I thought to myself “they have no idea the gift they are being given or how important these relationships will be in their futures.”
As I packed my car with Tastykakes, Lebanon Bologna, birch beer and other Pennsylvania goodies that are a given when we come to the mid-west, I was reminded of the quote by Desmond Tutu.
“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”
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