Finding Love at Any Age

Douglas Mason, 66, and Sonja Ghaner, 70, fell in love last summer. The couple, who live in State College, found each other at the Centre Region Senior Center and knew almost instantly that there was something special between them.

Mason, who is originally from Philadelphia, is a retired soil scientist. Ghaner, who worked for many years at a day care center, has lived in Centre County all of her life. They both go to the senior center daily. Mason first went to the center with some of his friends, while Ghaner was introduced to the center while looking through an activity guide. She has volunteered in the center’s kitchen for a while now, and when Mason first met her, he felt as if he found someone special.

“She was just so sweet,” he says. “It was easy for us to start a relationship.”

They met in July 2015 and became engaged this past June. They still go to the senior center daily and also enjoy spending time together outside of the center. They both say they fell in love and simply enjoy each other’s company and want to spend as much time as possible together.

While Mason and Ghaner found each other the old-fashioned way of meeting face to face, being attracted to each other, and falling in love, the world has changed even for the older generation in terms of how people are meeting and forming relationships.

In the virtual world, sites such as eharmony.com and senior-dating.org offer advice on how senior citizens can find their perfect match. Though it may seem more difficult to meet people as you age, the dating scene isn’t just for young people. In fact, according to AARP, when it comes to use of online dating services, older adults are the fastest-growing segment of the population. According to surveys completed by the National Council on Aging (NCOA), a large majority of seniors cite the importance of technology in allowing them to be able to connect with the world around them.

In fact, NCOA surveys reveal that “connectivity” is one of the top indicators of successful aging. Seniors seem to be driven by a desire for connectedness, with a majority citing the importance of having close relationships with others being a factor in quality of life.

Conversely, those seniors who feel lonely and isolated report an increase in depression and experiencing an overall decreased quality of life.

But just because it is becoming more popular to look for love in the golden years, it doesn’t mean it will happen easily. Seniors may be single due to divorce or the death of a spouse. There are unique challenges to seeking and starting new relationships at an older age. However, as is evident with Mason and Ghaner, there is always the chance that love can come back around at any age.

Seniors undoubtedly have different goals than younger people looking for a relationship. And at any age, it’s important to take time to reflect about what those relationship goals are before jumping in with both feet. Obviously, the kind of person a senior is searching for will help him or her target that search more effectively.

In a study that examined how people market themselves on online dating sites, seniors seemed more focused on representing themselves honestly to find true compatibility and companionship. Younger online daters cared more about sharing thoughts on appearance, status, and sex.

Whether or not this research reflects a specific person’s approach to online or in-person dating, considering values is an important first step. But whether it is face to face or online, the desire to have an intimate and meaningful relationship is something that extends well beyond young adulthood in this day and age.

Although many people think that finding love is something that happens earlier in life, the relationship between Mason and Ghaner is a perfect example of the fact that people can fall in love just as easily and deeply when they reach their senior years, too.

Dr. Beth Montemurro, a professor of sociology at Penn State, has done research on how intimate relationships evolve as people age, and her research specifically focused on women.

She says that women develop a confidence as they age that makes them more accepting and receptive of themselves and those they become involved with romantically. People are simply more aware of and comfortable with who they are as they age, and this self-awareness and sense of identity translates into a more confident approach to building intimacy in relationships.

A documentary about senior dating, Age of Love, produced and directed by Steven Loring, was incorporated into Motemurro’s study.

“When I heard about it, I was fascinated and thought it would be a great film to share with college students and with the local community,” she says.

The documentary is about a speed-dating program for senior citizens (age 70 and older), and uses the tagline, “it’s never too late to date,” according to Montemurro.

“A main message that comes from the film is that love and desire for affection and companionship transcends age. It is important at every stage in life,” she says.

A common myth is that older single people are no longer interested in being involved in intimate or romantic relationships. Montemurro says that research from AARP Inc. and other academic studies consistently refute this myth. If people remain single when they are older, it is more likely due to lack of availability of a partner rather than lack of interest, she says.

Research confirms what is shown in Age of Love — both physical and emotional intimacy, love, and affection are just as important to older people as they are to younger people.

For Mason and Ghaner, who have both been married before, their newfound relationship was something that just felt natural to them. They found a connection with each other and knew it was something that would enhance their lives.

“We go to shows, concerts, plays — things we both enjoy. We go to the movies about twice a week and like science fiction, but just enjoy any movies really,” Mason says.

Mason has two children and Ghaner has four. Both have grandchildren, and spending time with family is important to both of them. They enjoy going on trips together and will often take a long weekend to visit family.

Aside from their special “dates,” they spend time with each other daily, taking walks and eating lunch together every day at the senior center.

When it came time for the proposal in June, Mason made sure it was a gesture that made an impression on Ghaner. He proposed at the center where they met, and played a special song on the computer by one of their favorite musicians, Keith Urban.

Right now, they are just enjoying their time together. They have not yet set a date, and both have agreed to make the wedding a simple event with not too many people — most likely it will be the bride and groom and their families.

Mason and Ghaner have found in each other what most people seek at various points in their lives: love and affection, and a connection with another person.

As Montemurro says, “Love and intimacy are important for all ages. People simply want to connect with other people.”