My yoga instructor calls it “making others wrong so we can be right.”
We have all done it. We see a situation and respond with emotions and reactions that we have learned from our personal history. Our objectivity and ability to see the situation with clarity goes by the wayside. Our sense of self is fragile – for whatever reason – and suddenly the lines are drawn in the sand.
You must be wrong so I can stay right. You must be wrong so I can stay comfortable, and my life and past decisions can be reinforced.
You are wrong. I am right.
I don’t think the polarization of who is right and who is wrong has been more magnified than in the past several weeks. The lines in our collective sand have never been as wide or as deep. I am on this political side and I am emphatically right. You, on the other hand, are on the other political side and are most certainly wrong.
What’s right and what’s wrong, are often subjective to interpretation.
In our current political climate, there appears to be only right and wrong. There does not appear to be collaboration or cooperation. There is no persuasion, mediation, negotiation or understanding. Right and wrong are no longer about facts or information or objectivity. Right and wrong seem to be determined by which group we are perceived to belong to.
With each executive order that President Donald Trump signed in his first 10 days in office, making others wrong to prove how right we are has been a part of the protests, the media interpretation and of the administration itself.
If you want further proof, check out social media, especially Facebook. Even the most innocent, non-political post quickly erupts into a political discourse of pointing fingers and throwing out “facts.”
Making others wrong so we can remain right is becoming the American way. It happens in the workplace. It happens in our interpersonal relationships. It happens in our families.
How many families have been torn apart by the need for others to be identified as “wrong” so that we can win and be right? We as a culture – as a community and as individuals – need to get better at saying “I was wrong.”
Plus, if we are right all of the time, how will we ever learn and grow?
Learning to be wrong is a sign of maturity. A sign of confidence. A sign of understanding that the world is much larger than the circle in which most of us live. I know that it’s easier for me to admit I was wrong or made a mistake at age 50-plus than it was at age 18. Saying “I was wrong and apologize for it” can be freeing. Letting go of the energy, the anger, the façade of being right all of the time opens us up for new learning and new perspectives and for personal growth.
One of the greatest lessons that we can teach our children is admitting when one is wrong and doing so is not an acknowledgement that we are bad or unworthy or weak. Strength comes in knowing oneself and being able to say “I was wrong.” Humanity comes when we no longer feel the need to say “See, I was right!”
To quote Mahatma Gandhi, “Nobody in the world possesses absolute truths.”
Our only hope in moving forward in the next four years is to understand that in many cases there are no absolute rights and wrongs. There are opinions and feelings, ideas and perspectives, all seen through the eyes of people with different histories and backgrounds. There is no one right way. If we come together to understand rather than judge, we will be able to work together.
