If you leave the media room in the depths of Beaver Stadium at the right time you can catch Christian Hackenberg often walking alone with his thoughts.
Every week he uses the same gate, a door tucked away next to a security office far removed from the more popular exits. Sometimes he stands and waits inside the stadium on his phone. Other times he walks out and off into the night without much hesitation.
On Saturday afternoon Hackenberg made that journey down the corridor past the kettle corn and towards the same door that he has used time and time again.
Following a 28-16 loss to Michigan the entire Hackenberg circle waited for him like they do every week ,much like a season ago in Ireland following one of the best games of his career. That day his circle was animated, smiles brightening to dark deep insides of Croke Park, on Saturday it was silent, simply waiting.
Chances are Hackenberg has never noticed the large red letters plastered above the door. Letters that form a phrase even more symbolic than their intended purpose.
No Re-entry.
And so for what will most likely be one final time as a Penn State football player, Christian Hackenberg stepped through that door and into the evening breeze. A few short steps later he was standing alongside those who know him better than most. His father planting a brief pat on the shoulder as Christian entered the circle.
Mountains of words have been written about Hackenberg’s career at Penn State that are only matched by the records he now calls his own. Ultimately his statistical marks will prove to be less important than his impact on the program and his claim to be one of the few who truly kept Penn State football from crumbling into memories of times gone by.
A victory against No. 14 Michigan would have been the storybook ending to a career in Happy Valley, but it was ultimately a retelling of the road he traveled along the way.
In the first half there were passes dropped and blocks missed. In the final 45 seconds of the half Hackenberg looked to the sideline for a play, ready to make the most of limited time. His coaches let the clock run down.
On the final play of the third quarter he found Chris Godwin for a crucial 38-yard first down gain that gave Penn State hope heading into the final frame.
On 3rd and 14, Hackenberg scrambled 17-yards to keep Penn State’s drive alive down 21-16 midway through the fourth quarter.
All along the way there were bad throws, mistakes and moments that remind you why prospect and NFL Hall of Famer are two different terms.
It was the 100th sack of his career that completed the picture though. A crunching blow that left him contorted and in pain, eventually leaving the field and missing a single snap.
Late in the fourth quarter he was hit twice more. The second a legal, but late hit. The final punishing sack was the one that left him planted in the dirt, hobbled and bruised. A play later he ran for his life throwing the ball out of bounds and with it the final play of his career inside Beaver Stadium. There was no ovation, just a limp and a stiff neck. And with that it was all over.
What people often forget is that Hackenberg faced two very real opportunities to leave Penn State. Two very reasonable and well timed chances to turn his career into something less painful and perhaps more productive. But he stayed, largely for a genuine love for his teammates and his school. Cliche it may be, but no less true.
The question will always linger though for as long as Hackenberg wears the blue and white. Why? Why does he get back up, a kid who has been hit and sacked more times than stats do justice. Critiqued and pounded by fans and media, scraped across turf and grass, hit so hard that pain just feels normal.
What gets him back up? To know Christian Hackenberg is to know what it means to be competitive. He gets punched, pops up, and asks for another.
“My teammates,” Hackenberg said after short pause Saturday. “My personal pride, it’s part of playing this game and you’ve gotta get back up. The guys are looking at you and you’ve gotta leave everything that you have out there on that field no matter the circumstances. We were still in that game for a long time.”
Is it ever hard to get back up?
“No.”
With minutes to play TV cameras caught Hackenberg on the sideline looking off into the void, emotions on his sleeve, a moment in front of millions but somehow so alone. If there was ever a doubt how much more than an NFL future has ridden on Hackenberg’s shoulder, it was captured in those fleeting seconds.
“It means a lot to me,” Hackenberg said. “Playing here and playing with these guys, these seniors. It’s just disappointing that we couldn’t get it done”
“I just try and leave it all out there. Just leave everything I had.”
It’s hard to argue that he hasn’t. And for one last Saturday in State College he did it again.
