Rather than develop a long column detailing complex issues, this up-tempo, no-huddle column will move the reader down the field quickly. So buckle up. At the risk of sounding like an old man yelling at kids to get off my lawn, here is a list of overused terms and phrases that are as inauthentic as they are annoying.
Social Media/Society
“Selfie” – Maybe the worst social media phenomenon ever invented. Yes, you’re at a beach or in the front row at Hamilton—just hand your smartphone to someone else to take the picture. It’s okay to interact with others and ask them to take a good picture of you.
“Trolling” – This is just a euphemism for being a jerk that says more about your insecurities than anything it says about the person you’ve “trolled.”
“Blocking” – This may keep you from mean things people post, but for “trolls” it’s seen as a win. I stopped blocking people years ago because ignoring them is just easier. They want a back-and-forth or they want to get blocked. Give them neither.
“Bromance” – Thankfully this one seems to have died.
Industry
“Best Practices” – This industry buzz word is wielded to defend decisions using the cover of “we are in alignment with recognized best practices.” What it really says is that we’re adopting someone else’s standards rather than doing our own research. “Best practices” in navigation once meant the world was flat and the sun orbited the earth.
“Transparency” – People who use this term the most are usually the ones who engage in the least-transparent activity. It reminds me of the Shakespearean line, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” The more transparent people claim to be, the more likely they are to be hiding a whole lot of stuff. On a side note, “methinks” needs to make a comeback.
Sports
“Nation” – As in Red Sox Nation, Sooner Nation, Nittany Nation… Your team has no sovereign government or boundaries. Fan bases are less like “nations” and are more like terrorist organizations with geographically scattered large and small cells. Fan cells gather at various bars to watch games, talk about your team and plot strategy against your opponents. When your team stinks you’re a sleeper cell and when your team wins you’re flying your flag.
“Signature win” or “signature moment” – Some wins and plays are bigger than others, certainly, but all are a signature in their own way. This is one of those terms used to overhype this week’s latest game of the century.
“If the season ended today” – If you’re saying this it means the season isn’t ending today and there are still games left to play. Indulging some fictional scenario where the status quo holds for the rest of the season is just a way to drive mindless debate for sports talk radio and Sportscenter. No one gets a trophy for being in first place with a month to go.
“50/50 balls” – In football this is just a fancy term for a fade route thrown up for grabs to give your receiver a 50/50 chance of getting it. Simple math tells us that the defender has a 50/50 chance of getting to it too. Media types use the term to show that they are in on the coaching lingo. Of note, a coach who goes 50/50 in games generally doesn’t coach long.
“Quality Control” – NFL teams stole this term from industry and college teams adopted it as a fake title to get around NCAA limits on coaching staff size. A quality control guy looks at film, evaluates recruiting tapes and creates scouting reports all of which were once defined as coaching activities. But when the NCAA looks at your coaching staff size “quality control” personnel are not coaches.
Politics/Media
“Fake News” – Posting #FakeNews when a story arises that you don’t like is social media’s equivalent of a child sitting in a corner with his hands covering his ears and yelling “La La La La La.”
“Alternative facts” – There are no alternative facts. Lincoln was assassinated. The sun sets in the west. There are different ways to frame a set of facts to either include or exclude certain corollary factors but that doesn’t create an alternative truth or fact.
“Game changer” – Talk about an overused term. The game rarely changes. Politics comes down to money, voter turnout and how motivated your base is to show up.
“Trust me” or “To be honest with you” or “To tell you the truth” – With these phrases you’re signaling that you’ve reached a new moment of actual honesty. It also signals everything else you’ve said previously may have been complete hogwash.
Methinks I’ll conclude this game-changing transparent quality control no huddle column as an example of best practices in creative writing. And to be honest with you, if the column season ended today this would be a signature moment.
