What I Would Tell My 18-Year-Old Self

We had a great turn out for our high school reunion this past weekend. It was maybe the best since graduation back in 1978. For many, our waistlines are a little thicker, our hair is thinning or more gray (or both) and the lines and wrinkles on our faces are a bit more noticeable, especially when we laugh. It was a wonderful weekend.

At several times throughout the weekend, I heard people remark how fun it was to get together and that so much of the stuff we thought about and worried about in high school was so silly. With the benefit of time, we reflected on what we missed back then as teenagers, seeing the world through the lens of labels and angst, anxiety and the brushes with which we painted ourselves.    

Thankfully, after four decades, most of that has either gone or away or we have forgotten it.  

At the Saturday night party, I walked up to a group of women already in conversation, several of whom I haven’t seen for many years. After the hugs and the hellos, one of the women said “We were just talking.  We’ll pose the question to you. What would you tell your 18-year-old self?”

What would I tell my 18-year-old self?  

You better get another glass of wine because this may take awhile.

My immediate response was that I would tell my 18-year-old self to let go of all the silly high school worries because in a really short amount of time, none of it will matter.  

Since then, I’ve added some things to the list of advice I would give myself.  

I would tell the 18-year-old me that when she gets to college, go to class and do your homework. There is a direct correlation between that and your grades. Some of the people in that room on Saturday night already knew that at 18. It took me until graduate school to figure it out.  

I would tell the younger me that excess of anything is usually not a good thing. From food to alcohol to exercise to religion. She will have already heard my dad say, “Moderate your highs and lows.” It took me awhile to understand what he meant.

Knowing what I know now, I would say be careful with what you eat and put in your body.  In my 20s and even into my 30s, diet soda was my beverage of choice. Fast food. Sugar. Diets and dieting. What I know now about eating and being concerned with where and how the food (and what kind of food) gets to our plates might have held off some of the aches and pains that me and many of my classmates were whining about this weekend. I would tell my 18-year-old self to eat well, to make good choices and don’t eat anything with ingredients that you can’t pronounce.

Since Dr. Phil didn’t come on the scene until I was well beyond 18, I’d give her the head’s up on his trademark line. You teach people how to treat you. Enough said on that.

I would tell my 18-year-old self to take up yoga.  

I would tell her to find time. Find time for exercise. For self-exploration. For good times with friends and family. For the stuff that makes life real. I would tell my 18-year-old self that how she spends her time will dictate how she spends her life.  Our energy goes where we send it.

I would tell my 18-year-old self that she is smart.

I would remind her to be honest and to be kind. Be smart with her money. To go with her gut feelings, because they will usually be right. I will remind her to say yes as much as she can. Yes to new experiences. Yes to new people in your life. Say yes even when you feel unsure or afraid. Saying yes to things can take you in some interesting directions.  

I would tell my 18-year-old self to pick a career that she loves and it will never feel like work. She will laugh her head off in disbelief when I tell her that she might even one day end up teaching at the university where she is just about to start her degree.

I would remind her that each situation gives us an infinite number of options and decisions from which to choose. Her decisions will determine her path. I will remind her to learn from her past, consider the future but live in the present.

I would tell the 18-year=old me that, even though she’s not thinking about it now, becoming a mom will be the best thing she ever does.

I would tell her that all she needs is already within her. She just needs to be open to see it.  

I would tell my 18-year-old self that in 40 years, when she goes to her high school reunion, she will find friends and friendship with people who she either didn’t know or didn’t hang out with in high school. It won’t matter who played sports or marched in the band or who sat at another lunch table. It won’t matter in a very short time.

I would tell my 18-year-old self a lot of things, but I know she won’t believe me. She’ll need to learn them on her own.