‘Do Not Attempt:’ Lessons and Laughs from the Fine Print

We live in a litigious society. Perhaps my favorite manifestation of this litigation and liability-aversion is the bold type font announcement on my jar of peanut butter – immediately below an ingredient list that obviously starts with peanuts. That announcement? Contains Peanuts. Apparently a person in this day-and-age couldn’t reasonably be expected to know that peanut butter would contain peanuts.

Keeping this litigiousness in mind, over the past 11 months of the pandemic I have consumed slightly more regular television programming than I otherwise would. Normally, my television consumption, outside of live sporting events, involves little or no viewing of commercials. Either I watch video on demand or channels without commercials, or I record shows and fast-forward past the commercials.

One thing I’ve noticed since I’ve been watching the commercials during regular television programming is the amount of fine print in those advertisements — fine print that seems to be there to combat litigation and liability. Perhaps that fine print has always been there and I just was so engrossed in the commercials that I didn’t see it, or perhaps the enforcement actions of the Federal Trade Commission and other federal agencies responsible for monitoring “truth in advertising” have been causing advertisers to create more of these disclosures. Regardless of the reason, I’ve been paying closer attention to the fine print and finding some of it interesting and/or amusing. 

And so I sat down in front of the TV on Sunday night and joined 100 million-plus of my fellow Americans to watch the annual event that becomes the most-watched television program in this country every year: the Super Bowl. In addition, because it is the most-watched event on television, it also has some of the most expensive rates for commercials. A 30-second ad reportedly cost $5.5 million. And given my newfound interest in the fine print in television ads, coupled with the exorbitant amount of money those ads cost to broadcast, let alone produce, I decided to do a little research and check out the fine print in every commercial from kickoff to the end of the first half. Just to see what this money was funding.  

Here’s what I found:

There were 41 commercials that aired in the first half. Twenty-four of those contained some form of fine print. That’s just shy of 60%. Interestingly, that percentage was less than I had expected. In the last few months I have watched some shows where every commercial had fine print. I was expecting to find closer to 90%. That 60% was even less concerning because several of the ads containing fine print were just listing innocuous information – such as company names and trademark information. 

Let’s first look at those commercials which had no fine print. They were: the movie “Old,” Logitech, the TV series “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier,” Chipotle, Indeed, Skechers, WeatherTech, Oatly, Huggies, Toyota, Hellman’s, Dr. Squatch, and six commercials touting CBS programming —“The Equalizer,” “Clarice,” coverage of The Masters. 

On a personal level I enjoyed the Huggies commercial, and had my heartstrings tugged by the Toyota ad, which focused on the adoption of an infant who became a paralympic gold medalist and only identified Toyota at the very end. I was amused by the ad for Dr. Squatch Soap Co.  (which I never heard of before) that promoted a natural soap for men. And then there was the Oatly ad that should be a warning to business owners everywhere regarding their appearance in their own advertisements. For every Dave Thomas and Crazy Eddie there are thousands of owners who should leave their advertising to the professionals.

Now what about the commercials with the fine print?

The M&M’s, Pringles and State Farm (“Drake from State Farm”) commercials contained fine print that were simply company names, locations, and copyright/trademark information. The Mercari ad showed trademark information for Google LLC. The three Paramount+ ads just listed the names of the TV shows, movies, etc. that the characters in that commercial came from (and they were extremely difficult to see if you weren’t looking). All very innocuous.

Then there was one that contained humor within the fine print. The Doritos 3D commercial with Matthew McConaughey shows him sliding into a vending machine while the small words below read, “Do not attempt if you are a 3D person.”

A few of the ads provide information that might seem obvious but probably cover a legal concern. The TurboTax and DoorDash commercials fit here. The Tide pods ad with a Jason Alexander hoodie includes a fine print admonition to “Keep out of reach of children.” Although we can assume they are referring to the Tide pods, perhaps they are referring to the Jason Alexander hoodie? The Jimmy John’s ad contains a scene where a billboard is lit on fire and we see similar small print, “Do not attempt.” The Bud Light Seltzer Lemonade spot had two instances where it intoned, “Professional stunt. Do not attempt.” The Rocket Mortgage ad with Tracy Morgan was another great attempt at physical humor, but interestingly even though many things happened in the commercial that could have had “Do Not Attempt” disclaimers, the only scene that did was when he tried to drive over an opening drawbridge.

The Vroom ad was difficult to tell whether the fine print was to add to the dark verbal and visual humor. It showed a tense scene with a man tied to a chair about to be shocked by cables attached to a car battery. The small print reads “Fictionalization. Do Not Attempt.” 

The GM ad for electric cars held a disappointment in the fine print. Will Ferrell drove a nice looking car and worked hard to make the ad funny, but the end of the commercial gave us this information, “Actual production model may vary. Not currently available.” Hope you didn’t like the looks that much. 

There were several sweepstakes ads that always involve copious amounts of fine print because they are governed by specific state laws. Being over the age of 18, subjecting yourself to background checks, and limiting entries, are just some of the lines of print that flash by long before anyone could possibly read them. 

The Mountain Dew Major Melon commercial asks us to tweet the correct number of Mountain Dew Major Melon bottles, regular or zero sugar, that appeared in the commercial. The Scott’s commercial promises the lawn and garden of your dreams, but when reading the fine print you discover “awarded in the form of a $15,000 sponsor selected store value card.” So, as long as your dream lawn and garden costs $15,000 or less you’re covered. I’ve watched the DraftKings ad several times and still can’t figure out what it’s for – betting or fantasy football, or a combination of both. What I do know is that it’s “For entertainment purposes only. Winning a contest on DraftKings depends on knowledge and exercise of skilled.” Skill I won’t be using – assuming I ever had it.

Then the Inspiration4 commercial to enter a sweepstakes on the world’s first all-civilian mission to space. I wasn’t sure what it was – a movie ad, a NASA promotion, or a fake ad that would be explained at the end. Apparently it is a real sweepstakes and among the requirements in the fine print are these, “Winner of each must be physically and psychologically fit for training and spaceflight and must meet the requirements to be admitted into related government facilities.” Count me out on the fit part!

The E-Trade ad made sure to remind us in small print that, “All investing involves risks including the possible loss of principal” along with the standard financial jargon. Never a concern when the market is up, but “loss of principal” somehow sounds less offensive than “your life savings are in the toilet” when the market is down. 

The Dexcom, Inc. ad starring Nick Jonas tells us right away that he “is a paid spokesperson of Dexcom, Incorporated” and it goes on to display plenty of other fine print as is common with commercials for medical products or medicines. 

Keep in mind, these were the disclaimers and disclosures that showed up in just the first half of the Super Bowl. About an hour and 45 minutes of real time. There were likely as many in the second half, and a similar number in the three-hour pregame show. And that was one channel of many channels broadcasting Sunday night. Meaning we are bombarded daily with fine print on television to the point that most of us don’t see it. If you’re interested in making your viewing time a little more educational and eye-opening, turn down the volume, keep your eyes on the bottom of your screen as the commercials play, and catch a glimpse of everything you’ve been missing.

_{*And lastly, here’s my own disclaimer: I was viewing the Super Bowl from my home in State College, PA. via our cable provider. The commercials listed are those that appeared on my television in the time between the start (kickoff) and the end (clock reaching 0:00) of the first half (second of four quarters) and may not reflect the commercials that appeared on your television. I shall not be responsible for and make no representation as to the validity or adequacy of this column, and shall not be accountable for the reader’s use of this column.}