Of Japanese Toilets and Greek Breakfasts

I’ve never been to Japan but I may have to go, if only to experience Japanese toilets.

I have this on good authority from friends recently returned from Japan.

They apparently had many fine experiences on their trip, but what they talked about most, or at least what I remember them talking about most, were the wonders of the bathroom in their hotel.

Not since their mothers changed their diapers had their nether parts, as my friends delicately called them, received such loving care.

The larger point I wish to make via my invocation of Japanese toilets is this: There are many Americans who believe, or in the case of politicians, profess to believe, that everything’s better in the USA.

Such views have a profound impact on American foreign policy. Assuming that we ARE the best, we believe that we KNOW best — about everything.

This leads us to try to refashion other countries in our own image, and to deny the possibility that other countries might have a thing or two to teach us.

Inform the super patriots that there are places in the world that have free healthcare and free higher education and they’ll say maybe, but it isn’t as good, or there aren’t as many choices. And in any case, those folks don’t have our freedom.

I’m not smart enough to discuss the relative merits of healthcare or higher education or taxation systems around the world so let’s talk about hotel breakfasts, a subject on which I have done extensive research.

I’ve been in Greece for the past two weeks and I can report that whatever you’ve been hearing about the dire state of the Greek economy, Greek hotel breakfasts are completely fabulous. At a $60-a-night hostelry I stayed in recently, the complementary breakfast included multiple kinds of bread, pastry and cheese, olives, cukes and tomatoes, and fruit, nuts and yogurt — all of it excellent.

Our super patriot would probably say, ugh, who wants olives for breakfast? Let me assure this straw man that eggs, bacon, potatoes, cereal and milk were also available.

The funny part about these early-morning feasts is that according to my sources, this is not at all how the Greeks themselves eat. Give them a demi-tasse of muddy coffee and maybe a crust of bread and they’re good to go. The big meal here, as in much of Europe, is lunch. Supper is lighter and later.

The Greeks may think they’re giving us tourists the kind of breakfasts to which we are accustomed, but they’ve obviously never had the frozen mini-muffins and toaster waffles on offer at your typical exit-ramp motel along America’s interstate highway grid.

Or take public transportation. American trains and buses vs. the rest of the developed world? No contest.

I could go on in this vein. Our super patriot would probably say, if Greece is so great, why don’t I stay there?

If the Greeks ever upgrade their toilets to the Japanese standard, I’ll consider it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a swim in the Aegean so I can work up an appetite for tomorrow’s breakfast.

Popular Stories:

Centre Wildlife Care Puts Up ‘No Vacancy’ Sign, Warns Against Moving Fawns

Office of Open Records Shoots Down Appeal to Release Judges’ Phone Records

County Commissioner Demands Court System ‘Clean Up its Act’

Former Police Officer Charged With Stealing Drugs From Evidence Room

Borough Looking for a Few Green Thumbs

Penn State Football: Paterno, Fusina And Bahr Set To Be Inducted In PA Sports Hall Of Fame

Penn State Football: As Summer Approaches, James Franklin Is Already On Message

Penn State Football: Zembiec Picks Up Invitation To Elite 11 Finals

Penn State Football: Finding The Cheapest Ticket To Each Of Penn State’s Games This Year

Penn State 3rd in Big Ten With 31 Players on NFL Camp Rosters